Testimonies: What my dog means to me

Before my mother passed away from lung cancer in January of 2000, her very last words to me were "please, take care of my baby". Her baby is a miniature dachshund/chihuahua mix named Sam. She is black and tan and has a cute, short nose and very tiny. She is long like a dachshund, has short back legs and even shorter front legs. She looks like a puppy even now. She had named her after me, my name is Samantha, she said that Sam was spoiled just like me when I was a child. Always had to be on her heels and by her side at all times.

After mom passed away, I took her in and have been spoiling her ever since. I have nicknamed her Sambam. She was born on New Year's Eve, 17 years ago. I dread the day she passes on to "Doggy Heaven" because it will be like losing my mother all over again.

When mom was on her deathbed, she whispered to her husband to go to their house and get two things. One was a little ceramic angel and the other was the little statue that looked just like Sambam. I think she had told my step-dad to bring Sam to her, but he brought the little statue look-alike instead. He laid it by her side and she put her hand on it and put the little guardian angel to her heart. She smiled and took her last breath with that smile still on her face. I will never forget that day when she waited to see her baby one last time before she left this world.

This little dachshund/chihuahua mix has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I think mom knew that I needed her, as much as she needed me. I was really the only one who ever really understood the two of them. Everyone used to get mad at mom because she spoiled Sam so much, but she never gave in. Sambam always came first. Sambam knows when I am upset and will come to me and just look at me as if she is looking into my soul. She will not stop until I start petting her and getting my kisses and hugs from her. She takes care of me as much as I take care of her. She was always close to my mom, even had a babysitter when mom would leave the house to go bowling or go to work. She was indeed spoiled rotten and loved every minute of it.

I do not know what I will do when Sambam passes away. My family tells my boyfriend that he better be ready, because the day Sambam dies I will fall apart. I agree because I have taken the place of my mother and Sambam is now on my heels all day, lays beside me on the couch under her blanket, sleeps in bed with me at night, goes bye-bye with me wherever I go and is my inspiration to get through each day. She is such a sweet little soul and I am blessed to have been able to be the one to take care of her for the rest of her life.

At 17 years old, she is starting to lose her hearing and sight and I fear the day she will leave me is getting closer and closer. I have done all I can to make her happy and take my mother's place in her life. Mom used to say if Sambam passed away before her, she wanted to get her stuffed, so she could always be with her. She also wanted to have her put in her coffin and buried with her, so they would never be separated. This is impossible now, but I will make sure when she does pass away that I bury a picture of her on top of mom's grave.

Sambam is protective of those she loves and sometimes thinks she's a big rottweiler or other huge dog. She will run the biggest of dogs out of the yard, intimidate any person who comes near me, and she has always been a sweet companion. Sambam means the world to me, especially since she was a part of my mom and so dear to her. I fear the day when she does die, because I will always be looking for her at my heels and on my lap or beside me on the couch. I will miss her dearly and it will be like losing my mother all over again.

It is amazing how one little sweet soul can bring so much love and peace into someone's life. I must admit that I have enjoyed her more than any other person or animal as my companion. Sambam has had a very long and happy life. She will always be special to me, even when she is gone. I will miss her so much when she leaves me, because she is like a little sister to me. But I will be happy knowing that Sambam and mom will be together again in heaven one day soon.

Testimonies: Psychiatric Hospitals and Crisis Units

Being a person with suicidal tendencies, I knew the day would come when I needed outside help. My first attempt at getting help was to drive myself to an Emergency Room at St. John's hospital and I didn't get the help I was needing. I was there over 8 hours and never saw anyone but a doctor who said I was okay to go to the Psych Ward. I ended up leaving with my father and going home to stay with my brother for the night. This was after waiting the entire day and night for help and nobody showed up from the Crisis Unit to help me.

The second time I needed immediate help was over a month later. I was so overwhelmed with suicidal thoughts, I sought help by dialing the 911 Emergency line. I was driven to an Emergency Room by ambulance to a different hospital called St. Francis. I was put in a room with a bed in the triage unit and they took bloodwork, urine samples, did an EKG, etc to make sure I was physically well enough to go to the Psychiatric Hospital and Crisis Unit at Laureate.

I was terrified, knowing how Psychiatric Hospitals looked on television and how everyone always seemed to be doped-up. But I held my head up high and accepted the help. I must say that it is the best decision I have ever made in my entire life. The people there were so caring and understanding. They listened and interviewed me to figure out what was going on in my mind. They spent hours questioning me the night I came in, until they figured out what the problem was.

From the time I was admitted, to the day I was to be discharged, I saw numerous doctors, counselors, therapists, etc. every single day. They are very hands-on and really want to help you to figure out what your mental problems are and how they can help you. There was also group therapy sessions every other hour that you could attend if you wanted, it wasn't mandatory. I joined in on several of these and must say it was very therapeutic and I did learn a lot. I was given a lot of reading materials to read when I was there and to also take home to continue reading and learning from.

In my case, I was given a two week sample of Effexor XR to replace the Paxil I had been taking for over ten years that was prescribed by my regular doctor. The Paxil had quit working and I had mentioned it to my doctor several times over the past 6 months. It had me severely depressed, having anxiety/panic attacks again, and having suicidal thoughts on and off. I was just unable to handle every day hardships anymore and needed a new antidepressant medication. The pharmacy had given me the generic version of Effexor, which was Venlafaxine and it wasn't extended release. The Effexor XR, which is extended release, was to be taken once a day, whereas the generic Venlafaxine should be taken several times a day. I was given the same dose of the generic as I was taking of the Effexor XR and it sent my body through such torment, going through me immediately, overwhelming my system and mind. It would take me way up and then way down, giving me such terrible side effects. I experienced nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, brain shocks, eye bulging, headaches, dizziness, full body shakes/tremors, and weakness for three and a half weeks.

Over several weeks while going through such highs and lows, I had tried to get in touch with my regular doctor, left several messages, but never got a call back. During this time I was getting worse every day, couldn't keep food or medication down, couldn't drive, and could barely function. I thought I was losing my mind and having a nervous breakdown.

The day I was admitted, I was having such a rough day that I tried to calm myself down and calm my racing mind and talk myself out of the suicidal thoughts. I went to take a shower and saw a razor blade on the side of the tub. My mind immediately started racing, telling me "you can cut yourself up here and nobody would have to clean it up." That scared me so much I ran out of there and decided I'd wait on the shower. I then went into the kitchen to try to fix something to eat, as I hadn't been able to keep any food down. I immediately saw the knife block on the counter and all the knives in it and my mind told me "there you go, just stab yourself in the heart, stomach, chest, cut your throat and wrists, end your life now!" I ran from the kitchen and sat on the couch crying uncontrollably and shaking and not knowing what to do to stop my mind from thinking such horrid thoughts. I picked up the phone and started to dial my father's number and realized that he wouldn't be able to get to me in time. So I hung up and dialed 911 Emergency. I told them I was having severe suicidal thoughts and needed help immediately! Somehow, they were able to understand me through my crying and racing thoughts and incoherent speech. A firetruck with three firemen showed up at my door a minute and a half later. They took my pulse and blood pressure, both were very alarmingly high. I was crying, shaking and trembling, and so scared of myself and my own mind. I told them that, as they asked me questions and took care of me, until the ambulance arrived. The ambulance took me to the hospital Emergency Room at Saint Francis Hospital. I got the work-up needed to ensure I was medically ready and able to go to the Psychiatric Unit.

Once I was driven to Laureate's Psychiatric Hospital and Crisis Unit, from the time I got there, until the day I left, I felt so comforted and cared about. They really were there to help, they checked on me and every other patient every fifteen minutes no matter where I was in the unit. I was on suicide precautions the first three days I was there, the last two days they just wanted to make sure my medications were working and no side effects.

They gave me the correct dose of Effexor XR on the first morning. Four hours later I could already feel a difference. The next morning they gave it to me again and about four hours later I was back to my normal self and mind again. Unbelievable!

I just wanted to let everyone know that there is help out there and you should seek help if you need it. The Psychiatric Hospitals and Crisis Units are trained and know exactly what to do to help you. If they don't know what is going on with you, they will not stop until they figure things out. I highly recommend seeking this kind of help. I am back to my normal state of mind and no longer have suicidal thoughts every day. I have been a depressed person all my life, but the suicidal thoughts occur rarely now. I have good days and bad days like any normal or ill person.

Please don't be afraid to seek the help you need, when you need it. I am a changed person and am thankful every day that I am still alive. In my case, I was having discontinuation symptoms from having the wrong dose and wrong medication that was similar to the other I had been taking for two weeks. Once they figured out the problem and then put me on another medication for my anxiety, called Klonopin, I was ready to go home. But they monitored me a few more days to make sure, which I am thankful for. They really cared!

I hope that my personal testimony will help others out there who may be going through the same or similar problems. When you are feeling like you are going out of your mind, it is hard to make the right decisions. I highly recommend seeking help through these types of crisis programs. It was very beneficial to me and when I was discharged, I was even given help on where to go next. I was given another Psychiatric Hospital's number and they made me an appointment to see them within the next week. I am still currently seeing them as an outpatient. I truly do feel like a changed person, almost back to my normal state of mind. I will always have problems with depression and some suicidal thoughts, as this has been part of the chemical imbalance in my brain for years. But getting on the proper medications helps put you into a remission state and get you back to as near as normal as possible.

Please don't be afraid to seek help when you need it. Don't be scared of Psychiatric Hospitals and Crisis Units. These problems won't just go away on their own. You have to seek the proper medical help, even if it is on an emergency basis. The hospitals are there to help when we are ill, both physically and mentally. Call them or call your emergency line if you feel you are about to lose it. It really will save your life, I am living proof.

My Sambam (Revised Sept 3rd)

Here's my pretty girl Sambam that I am so worried about.

An update on my precious girl. :( She's making a turn for the worse! She's started losing bladder control quite a bit now. She is having a hard time seeing and hearing who and where people are, including me. She barks and growls at others when they are standing around in the apartment and she can't tell who they are.

I fear she will be leaving me soon. I pray to God that she makes a miraculous recovery and stays with me a few more years. I love this little dog so much! She is so much a part of me and a part of my dearly departed Mother that I just don't know what I would do without her around.

I sit here revising this post crying and feeling so empty and alone already just thinking about living live without my sweet little Sambam. Please pray for her everyone! I know she's 17, but she still has a few years left in her, I just know it. She doesn't seem to be in any pain from her arthritis like she did years ago. So she's not really suffering except from this skin condition and allergies, the itching and scratching. If I could only get that under control, I think she'd do better with her bladder problems.

Sambam is in my lap and needing my attention, so I will end this revision now. I just gave her some Children's Liquid Benadryl, hopefully it will help with the itching. Thanks for listening everyone.

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Her skin allergies have gotten so bad. She's totally bald on her underside and has lost patches of hair on her backside and legs. I gave her a bath today with a Relief shampoo and gave her some Children's Liquid Benadryl. I hope it will help her. I'm very worried about her. She is starting to get small cysts on her tummy and side. She had several removed about 5 years ago and one of her nipples removed, along with a toenail. She's getting very skinny and I fear it might be time I start deciding whether or not to have her put down.
I think she still has a few years left in her, if I could just get this skin infection under control. But I don't have the money to take her to the vet, and you know they won't help for free.

I just wanted to share her with everyone, because she is so special to me. She was my Mother's dog. I had her on and off throughout the years, particularly when I lived in Reno, NV. But I had to have her flown home because my boyfriend at the time started hitting her and being mean to her and wouldn't let me feed her the proper food she needed, which was canned food since she has some missing teeth and her others are so sensitive. She has gone through a lot through the years, she's my baby and when I lose her, it will be like losing a part of Mom again.

I hope you will all enjoy her picture, this was taken about 3 years ago. She is part miniature dachshund and part chihuahua. Mom named her Sam, said she was a spoiled brat like I was when I was a child. I call her Sambam or SamSam. She is 17 years old.

The Ex!!! Ramble Time!

Guess who got kicked out of his sister's house for drinking too much? Guess who called me this morning asking to "come back home"? He is now at his friend's house who doesn't have running water or a/c, the house is a pigsty, that's really where he needs to be with an infected foot! What a dumbazz!

I told him it was over between us, that when he was with another woman, there was no coming back. That was the hardest thing I've ever done!!!! Telling him no and that he doesn't live here anymore and he's not welcome here. But I did it!

He's not even taking care of his foot anymore, not wearing the suction vac to help get the infectious goop out of it. He's going to end up losing his foot for sure! He's spent 2 months at his sister's doing nothing but getting wasted out of his mind, not taking care of himself, has even ran off the home health nurses while belligerent/inebreated.

I am NOT giving in, I can't! No matter how much I want to, I will not allow this. If he wanted me, he woulda called months ago asking for forgiveness, etc. Not going to his ex's and being with her, drinking every day at his sister's, causing problems there with her daughters, telling lies on me, etc.

I was strong today! He's only a mile down the road now and I hope he realizes that I'm serious and I do not want him here. I hope he doesn't just "show up" either. Yikes!

I talked to his sister on the phone for an hour last night, told her if he does show up here, I want her help in calling the mental health association and having him picked up and admitted. For his alcoholism, now the pain medication addiction, and for his mental health problems (bi polar, paranoid schizophrenic, severe depression, etc). They will also get him the help he needs in irrigating his foot and helping him not lose it.

But for now, he's going to just say "oh well, it's too late, the infection is too bad now, I'm just gonna lose my foot". The cowards way out, of course. What a dumbazz! But NOT my problem anymore! I do not feel sorry for him and cannot allow myself to.

Trouble Leaving Comments?

Sorry all, I was playing with my blogger settings and had the comment moderation on. I didn't know that meant I had to go and approve/deny every post that was made before it would appear on my site. Sorry about that! I believe I have it fixed now and all posts should show up immediately now. Let me know if they don't!

Ramblings

Sitting here bored, thought I'd ramble a bit.

My friend Remy and her daughter, Katie have left. I went out with Marlene last night for a few hours, got sick and came back home.

I spent the night with bad acid reflux, pain in stomach, couldn't get to sleep until around 4-5am. So...I missed my Therapist's appointment this morning at 8am. They are very strict on missing first appointments, so I hope I didn't mess that up. They say if you miss your first appointments your account will be closed and no further help given.

I went to the Parkside Psychiatric Hospital in person, where the Psychiatrist and Therapist's offices are and asked to be rescheduled. I was told to call and leave a message on voicemail for my Psychiatrist. They said she can reschedule me, if she feels I deserve it, after missing my first appointment with the Therapist. We shall see! The Therapist will be the one who does my medication management for the Effexor XR and Klonopin and anything else they might decide I need.

I think if I do lose them, I will still be okay though. I can just request Dr. Millar, my regular doctor, to prescribe the medications to me. But I think I need the one-on-one therapy for awhile. All won't be lost I guess though, if I am unable to get treatment with Parkside.

On to another subject...My dog Sambam has severe skin allergies and has lost alot of fur and her skin is very dry. Has been this way over a month now. I bought her some children's liquid Benadryl today and called her vet to see what the proper dosage for her should be. I gave it to her and she has been scratching less. I need to get some more Aveeno (Oatmeal and Oil) to give her a bath in every other day, to keep her skin moisturized. She's very scabby and bald right now, poor thing.

My other dog Rosie is doing fine, need to get her and Sambam some more Frontline Plus for fleas before they get bad again, it is overdue.

Will write more later...

Unhappy with the Cafe - Miss the Introductions/Wordly Wonders thread

Hi friends! Just wanted to let you know that I am not into the new Helium boards Cafe area or being forced to be redirected somewhere else. I was happy in the Introductions forum in our Worldly Wonders thread. I even liked welcoming and helping out the new members who posted. I didn't like it when people started coming into our thread talking about running around nekkid or streakin or whatever. But I tried to go with the flow and make a joke about it. Like "someone's bra and t-shirt fell from the ceiling fan when I turned it on and it scared me". It just seemed to get so childish all of a sudden, I dunno.

Then I go over to the Cafe and there's nothing but silly posts about getting nekkid and such. There's really nothing anyone talks about, like how their days went or asking how others were doing, etc. It's not somewhere that I want to be, so until I find another good thread like we had, I won't be going there anymore.

I will continue to write and rate articles at Helium, but I just got very uncomfortable being forced to go somewhere else where they acted so goofy all the time. I liked it when others talked about their day, their life, their articles, their pets and homes, their well-being, etc. There's always time for some fun and jokes, but not in the entire thread and every post someone makes.

::Sighs:: I shoulda known something so good wouldn't last very long.

Take Care friends! I'll be around, somewhere.