One bad little bug!

On a normal hot summer's day when I was about four or five years old, I was playing in the backyard at my Aunt Arlene's house. As I was playing around in the bushes, I got something in my eye. It hurt something terrible and I kept rubbing and rubbing it and couldn't get it to stop hurting. I felt something big and a big bump right in the middle under my eyelid. I ran into the house to look in the mirror and screamed when I discovered some kind of small black bug that looked like a ladybug, round, but more like a beetle in color and hardness. My mother and aunt Arlene came running to see what was wrong and I was still screaming trying to get this bug off of and out of my eye. I was freaking out like when I'd see a spider. Jumping up and down, flinging my arms, freaking out like any child or adult would do when scared from a snake or spider. This little bug was clinging onto my pupil, right in the center of my eye. It covered my entire pupil, all you could see was the brown of my eyes. I must have rubbed it so much and hard that I embedded it into my eye somehow or it was just holding on with it's legs, that you couldn't see.

Mom and aunt Arlene laid me down on the bathroom counter and got out the tweezers and were doing their own surgery on my eye. I remember them trying to pour cold water into my eye and the chlorine in the water burned so bad. I was crying and screaming, kicking, and scared to death. They finally got the tweezers to grip onto the little creature and got it out of my eye.

I do not remember anything after that. But I am now blind in my left eye. What I do see, I see double and if I look out of my left eye for very long, it just blacks out. It starts as a little black circle and the darkness gets bigger and bigger until I cannot see a thing.

I oftentimes wish they would have done the appropriate thing and taken me straight to an emergency room. But would it have made any difference? Had I already done too much damage due to rubbing and rubbing it and trying to push, rub, and get it out of my own eye? Did they do damage with the tweezers? Or had the little bugger dug its little legs into my pupil doing it's own damage? Was it the hard, outer shell of the bug that causes me to see a black circle before everything blacks out?

I will never know the answers, but I remember it as if it was yesterday. When I asked my mother later in life when I was in my twenties, she told me that no such thing ever happened, that I must have dreamt it all. She says I was born that way. Was she in denial or feeling guilty for removing it on her own and not taking me to the hospital? Another answer I will never know, she is now deceased.

I remember later as a child being at my uncle's house where I was more or less raised. He took me into his arms, we were in the front yard. He told me to close my eyes and then walked me to a different place in the yard. It was actually the back side of the house. There's school grounds behind his two and a half acre fenced-in yard that was filled with almost a hundred bright yellow school buses. He told me to keep my right eye covered with my hand and to open my left eye and asked me where we were in the yard. I opened my left eye and could see nothing but a big black circle. I couldn't focus or tell where I was at all. That is when we discovered I was legally blind in my left eye. I must have been six or seven years old by then.

They had taken me to numerous eye doctors and they all told us that we had to wait until I was older to get it fixed. That I had a "lazy eye". But when I grew older, the doctors said it should have been fixed when I was younger. It was a no-win situation from the day it happened.

Did I really dream this or did the bug really cause the blindness in my left eye? I will never know. But I would bet a lot of money that it really happened. A four or five year old child remembers something so scary and so real. I will never forget the feeling of that round, hard shell in my eye and how I felt it with my finger under my eyelid. I'll always remember the hard marble counter they laid me on in the bathroom and the bright lights above as they leaned over me doing their own surgery on me. I still get chills and freaked out feelings when I think of that little bug implanting itself in my pupil.

Understanding constant pain and thoughts of suicide

A person who lives in constant pain often experiences thoughts of suicide. They don't necessarily want to end their lives, but the continuous, unrelenting pain that they have to endure every day and night makes them think these terrible thoughts. They would do ANYTHING to just have one pain free day or to have the pain go away altogether. They oftentimes feel that if they just ended their lives, they wouldn't have to go through the chronic, debilitating, exhaustion, and constant aching that the pain puts them through day in and day out.

If you have ever had a bad toothache, imagine living with that pain 24 hours a day, seven days a week. There are no breaks, there are no surgeries to help, there isn't the chance to go to the dentist and just have the tooth pulled. These people have to live with this constant, sometimes stabbing, piercing, burning and many other types of pain all hours of their lives, every second. There is no way out for them except pain relievers to help dull the pain. They are never pain free, they are just aided in helping diminish it in ways that they can move about and try to go about their days as normally as possible. These people have to learn to put the pain to the side and concentrate on other things. Anything they can learn to do to help them forget for a few minutes is a huge plus.

Others who don't suffer in severe, constant pain do not understand the relentless pain a person goes through. No two people experience pain the same way. Everyone handles pain differently. Some have a higher pain tolerance than others. Some have just had to learn to deal with it, they have no choice.

Imagine yourself laying in bed, crying and hurting so much and nothing helps to rid you of your pain and you cannot sleep due to it. The thoughts that would race through your mind would either be to get more pain medication to help dull the pains or find some way to end the pain, and sadly even just end your life to get out of the pain. You cannot blame someone for having suicidal thoughts when it comes to continuous pain. It takes its toll on a person and their mind. It can literally drive you insane, give you so much more anxiety and stress, that it makes a person hurt even more. It is a brutal cycle that pain puts a person through.

Over time, your body builds a resistance to pain medications and they end up not even helping anymore. A person can end up so strung out on pain medications and muscle relaxers. Most people who live with chronic, constant pain end up being prescribed antidepressants and anxiety medications as well. The stress they cause themselves from the pain itself, from worrying about the pain, the anxiety of when the medications wear off or if they do not help, causes such anxiety and so many sleepless nights.

Again, try to put yourself in their shoes. Try to talk to them to understand their pain better. Listen and learn from how they describe their pain, their thoughts, and its effects on their everyday lives. Perhaps you can find ways to help alleviate some of the pain, stress, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, etc by just being there for your loved one who goes through constant, chronic pain. Whatever gets their mind off their pain, help them achieve that goal more often.

Whatever you do, don't think it's just all in their head or they're just being wimps. Have sympathy for the people who have to live with pain. If you were able to feel their pains, you would probably go out of your mind too and look for a way out. You should always be there for your loved one. Find them help, perhaps suggest therapy to learn coping skills to deal with their pain.

Depression is one of the most common problems experienced by those who live in constant, chronic pain. The depression can get so bad that they have suicidal thoughts and even suicidal attempts. Suffering is where pain and suicide meet. A person who suffers in pain needs a pain specialist to help them regulate their pain. Suicidal individuals and those with chronic pain share the same experience and thoughts of hopelessness. Recurrent stress and intense pain decreases endorphin levels in the brain, endorphin is the natural substances that relieve pain. This increases their vulnerability to all ailments. This must be offset. This is the function of pain management. Those who suffer with chronic pain need to be on antidepressants to help with the depression, anxiety and distress that the pain causes also.

More than 50 million people live with constant, chronic pain every day of their lives. Chronic pain is frequently under-treated and worse, many doctors simply ignore it. Chronic pain can be back pain, neck pain, sports injuries, car wreck injuries, migraine headaches, arthritis, debilitating diseases like fibromyalgia, and many other injuries and ailments. Pain can strike anyone at any age. Severe, chronic pain can kill, it's as simple as that. There are so many who commit suicide because they cannot take the pain anymore. Patients with constant pain attempt or commit suicide more than those who do not suffer in pain. These sufferers are two to three times more likely to attempt or even succeed at killing themselves as well. There are so many missed days of work, hundreds of millions of dollars spent on trying to relieve pain or purchase pain medications and find treatments to help lessen the pain. Sadly and unbelievably a lot of people in so much crippling pain look for assisted suicide from friends and family or even euthanasia or assisted suicide from physicians.

There are so many people who wouldn't even be able to get out of their own beds without the use of opioids. These pain medications allow a person to be able to lead halfway normal lives and get them out of bed each day. But over time, they build up a resistance to the medications and have to take several different drugs at a time to be able to relieve their pain. These chemical crutches from the powerful opium-like painkillers in high doses keep so many from being bedridden and/or suicidal. It is a miracle to so many and for others it is even more debilitating to their painful conditions. They become so strung out and dependent on the medications, that if they run out or can't get them anymore, suicide is their final and only answer.

If you know someone who is in severe pain or if you live with constant pain, you need to seek help. Talk with your doctors, be honest with them. Write a pain journal, tell how much it hurts, the thoughts you are having at the time, etc. Your doctor can refer you to a pain specialist who can help regulate and manage your pain. They will work together to get you on the right medications, treatments, and therapy to help you live as normal a life as possible. There is help and there are treatments that help you cope with the pain. Do not take your life or attempt to hurt yourself because you live in severe pain. Find the right team of doctors who can give you antidepressants for the depression, anxiety medications for the stress and anxiety the pain causes you, pain medications and possibly muscle relaxers to help alleviate your constant pain. Do not give in to the pain and do not give up. Seek help and learn to be a part of your own pain management team. Get therapy and learn coping skills. No matter what, do not take your own life, because there is help and there are other ways to manage chronic pain.

Good remedies for lovesickness

After losing someone you are so utterly and completely in love with, it is one of the hardest things in life to overcome. But you are not alone, there are millions of men and women who face the pain of being lovesick every single day. The feelings become real illnesses for such a long time, that it seems impossible to overcome.

Just a reminder of your loved one, like their smell on a pillow or seeing a picture of them, leaves your heart in your stomach. You are unable to swallow or even eat for days on end. You lose the will to go on and make it through each day. You begin to not even care about anything or anyone, especially yourself. Even your hygiene starts to get bad, your friends and family begin to worry uncontrollably about you. You do not even realize the downward spiral you are going through.

But do not give up and do not give in to these feelings of hopelessness. Your best remedy is to talk and get it out. Talk to your friends, your family, your co-workers, anyone who is going through the same thing or has gone through it. The best thing you can do is to let it out and vent. Do not keep it all balled up inside of you. Allow your friends to be there for you, that is what friends are for. You cannot make it through this without the outside world. Don't allow yourself to stay holed up and hidden inside your home. You must get out into the world again. Get a makeover, go on a diet and lose some weight, buy new makeup, start working out or walking. Go shopping and buy yourself some sexy outfits. Do anything to make yourself feel better about yourself and help give you a higher self esteem. It is easier said than done, especially if your partner left you, but you have to remember to live again. There was life before them and there will be a life after them.

You cannot allow yourself to dwell on what was or what could have been. You have to move on and make a new life for yourself. If it is meant to be, your partner will come back to you. If not, you are better off on your own and getting back out into the world and learning how much fun it is to just be you and do your own thing without having to answer to anyone. How many things have you been wanting to do, but couldn't, because you were tied down? Do those things now, get your mind off of everything and try to enjoy yourself.

For some, it helps to write a journal of your feelings each day. As you gain independence and give yourself a higher self esteem, you can look back and laugh at how you felt and the things you had written. It is part of living to go through relationship after relationship until you find the person who was meant for you.

Learn to read inspirational books, seek out a higher power and pray for forgiveness for your sins, cleanse yourself inside and out, and start anew. You will be amazed, as each day passes how much less it hurts. Time heals all wounds. If you were in a two year relationship, give yourself one year to grieve that relationship. Things don't just change overnight, your heart will not let go easily either, but it will happen in time. You need to learn to love yourself again, the more comfortable you are with yourself, the more comfortable and attractive you will be to others. In time, you will learn to love life again. You will appreciate the little things. You will even begin to look for a new partner and a new life. Let love happen, don't force it or try to make it happen overnight.

Remember, no matter who breaks your heart or how long it takes to heal, you will never get through it without your friends and family. Let the tears flow, get them out, get it all out. Remember the good times and the bad. Most importantly, remember that you are a good person. You were good before your relationship and you'll be even better after you get over it and learn to appreciate life and love again.

Go out with your friends, have a good time. Invite your friends and family over for dinner. Just remember to keep love around you at all times. It doesn't have to be the love of a significant other, but the true love you get from friends and family that is never ending. You will be okay, just give it time.

The lazy girl's guide to getting fit

There are many women who have health problems and cannot do the everyday workouts in gyms or even walk very long at a time, much less jog. This labels these women as lazy. In their hearts, they would rather be out there on a bicycle to tone those muscles and lose weight. But in a real world, it just isn't physically possible, as the added stress to one's body causes many more chronic problems.

A woman with Fibromyalgia who lives in chronic severe pain every day of her life cannot fathom a workout plan, much less find a way to get her body tone and fit. What one needs to do is learn what IS doable and what can help in a person's everyday life to tone and lose those extra pounds.

The first thing you need to concentrate on is your diet. This doesn't mean you have to go on a strict diet or a diet at all. It just means to start thinking and eating healthier and quit eating fried foods altogether. Stop eating fast foods, deep fried or even battered fried foods. Learn to bake or broil your meats instead, letting the fatty, oily, cellulite creating juices drain off and away from the meat, poultry, pork, etc. You can learn to use a broiling pan, even if you aren't broiling. Be sure to cut off all fat from your meats, then wash and season them, even leaving the spices on overnight for more delicious taste. Then broil (quick, hot cooking) them on each side for 6 minutes. If extra cooking is needed, just adjust the times and turn them again for a few extra minutes. The most important thing is to let the juices drain away and off of the meats. You will learn over time, like in 6 months, the extra inches you have gained all over your body will start to disappear. Do not eat fatty meats like hamburger meat at all, they are not only artery clogging, the fat in them over time can create reflux disease and disorders causing heartburn. Leave fatty hot dogs and bologna alone too. Switch to turkey breast or chicken lunch meats instead. You can also find extra lean and light hot dog wieners too.

Doing housework, in small 15 minute intervals will help also. Those who cannot clean and do chores around the house all at once will love this. Turn on some motivating music, get that vacuum cleaner out and get your blood pumping for 15 minutes at a time. You can do one room, then take a break for 5 minutes if needed, drink some water and relax. Then get up and do another room for 15 or 20 minutes at a time. You can dust at the same time, or get a broom and sweep your baseboards as well. You have to allow your body and heart time to get the blood pumping and get your muscles working. Do this all over the house, try to make one chore into two or three chores. For instance when sweeping the stairs, sweep the baseboards, dust the rails and baseboards with a washcloth, sweep one stair at a time and clean the walls or safety rail at the same time.

Learn to do your dishes in intervals also. Wash them and rinse them, then take a break, coming back to dry and put them in the cupboards where they belong. When you eat a meal, always wash out the foods in your bowl or plate and it will make it that easier on you when it comes time to washing them.

When sitting at a computer in your chair, you can do exercises also. Do neck stretches, stretch out your arms and shoulders. Lift your feet off the floor for several minutes, then relax them. Practice tightening your buttocks and relaxing them. Do your kegal exercises if needed. There are so many ways that we can train our brains and bodies into exercising, even when we're sitting and doing nothing.

Make yourself a routine, write it down if necessary as a To-Do List, the things you want to get done around the house. Write down the errands you need to run and the things you need to pick up from the grocery store. You will be amazed at how much more you are able to get done. You can even make sure you get out each day and get your walking done by going to the grocery store one day. Then go to the Dollar Store the next day. If you have a doctor's appointment, make that something to do on a different day. All these things help when doing them in intervals, rather than all at once.

Learn to walk to the mailbox instead of driving to it on your way out. If you have animals, take them out extra times a day for a walk or to just let them use the restroom. There are so many ways you can learn to keep yourself fit and tone and lose weight. You just have to motivate your mind and learn the easier ways and healthier ways to do it.

I personally have lost 53 pounds in 6 months by doing all of the above, so I am living proof that it is possible. I live with chronic pain every day of my life, with Fibromyalgia and cannot do the things I used to be able to do. But I have learned how just changing the way you cook things, driving past those fast food restaurants and eating at home instead helps. The preparation to cook your meal and cooking it, is exercise in itself. You have to learn ways to get exercise and motivate yourself, so you can stop sleeping all day, laying on the couch watching television, or reading magazines. I have done all those things and they have gotten me nowhere. Even with the pain I suffer, I am able to take a walk, even extra walks, with my dogs. I walk to the office to pay my rent instead of driving. I walk to the post office to mail my bills, instead of driving 1/4 of a mile.

There are so many ways you can lose weight and get your body in shape. I personally went from a size 4X in men's shirts to size L or XL in women's shirts. I now have a new wardrobe and love to go shopping for new clothes. That's good exercise too and the time flies while shopping and searching for that perfect shirt or outfit. Go shop at a thrift store, second-hand or Goodwill store where you have to work and search to find what you want. Take the lazy out of your life and add good health, a leaner, more toned body and a new wardrobe instead.