Being a person with suicidal tendencies, I knew the day would come when I needed outside help. My first attempt at getting help was to drive myself to an Emergency Room at St. John's hospital and I didn't get the help I was needing. I was there over 8 hours and never saw anyone but a doctor who said I was okay to go to the Psych Ward. I ended up leaving with my father and going home to stay with my brother for the night. This was after waiting the entire day and night for help and nobody showed up from the Crisis Unit to help me.
The second time I needed immediate help was over a month later. I was so overwhelmed with suicidal thoughts, I sought help by dialing the 911 Emergency line. I was driven to an Emergency Room by ambulance to a different hospital called St. Francis. I was put in a room with a bed in the triage unit and they took bloodwork, urine samples, did an EKG, etc to make sure I was physically well enough to go to the Psychiatric Hospital and Crisis Unit at Laureate.
I was terrified, knowing how Psychiatric Hospitals looked on television and how everyone always seemed to be doped-up. But I held my head up high and accepted the help. I must say that it is the best decision I have ever made in my entire life. The people there were so caring and understanding. They listened and interviewed me to figure out what was going on in my mind. They spent hours questioning me the night I came in, until they figured out what the problem was.
From the time I was admitted, to the day I was to be discharged, I saw numerous doctors, counselors, therapists, etc. every single day. They are very hands-on and really want to help you to figure out what your mental problems are and how they can help you. There was also group therapy sessions every other hour that you could attend if you wanted, it wasn't mandatory. I joined in on several of these and must say it was very therapeutic and I did learn a lot. I was given a lot of reading materials to read when I was there and to also take home to continue reading and learning from.
In my case, I was given a two week sample of Effexor XR to replace the Paxil I had been taking for over ten years that was prescribed by my regular doctor. The Paxil had quit working and I had mentioned it to my doctor several times over the past 6 months. It had me severely depressed, having anxiety/panic attacks again, and having suicidal thoughts on and off. I was just unable to handle every day hardships anymore and needed a new antidepressant medication. The pharmacy had given me the generic version of Effexor, which was Venlafaxine and it wasn't extended release. The Effexor XR, which is extended release, was to be taken once a day, whereas the generic Venlafaxine should be taken several times a day. I was given the same dose of the generic as I was taking of the Effexor XR and it sent my body through such torment, going through me immediately, overwhelming my system and mind. It would take me way up and then way down, giving me such terrible side effects. I experienced nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, brain shocks, eye bulging, headaches, dizziness, full body shakes/tremors, and weakness for three and a half weeks.
Over several weeks while going through such highs and lows, I had tried to get in touch with my regular doctor, left several messages, but never got a call back. During this time I was getting worse every day, couldn't keep food or medication down, couldn't drive, and could barely function. I thought I was losing my mind and having a nervous breakdown.
The day I was admitted, I was having such a rough day that I tried to calm myself down and calm my racing mind and talk myself out of the suicidal thoughts. I went to take a shower and saw a razor blade on the side of the tub. My mind immediately started racing, telling me "you can cut yourself up here and nobody would have to clean it up." That scared me so much I ran out of there and decided I'd wait on the shower. I then went into the kitchen to try to fix something to eat, as I hadn't been able to keep any food down. I immediately saw the knife block on the counter and all the knives in it and my mind told me "there you go, just stab yourself in the heart, stomach, chest, cut your throat and wrists, end your life now!" I ran from the kitchen and sat on the couch crying uncontrollably and shaking and not knowing what to do to stop my mind from thinking such horrid thoughts. I picked up the phone and started to dial my father's number and realized that he wouldn't be able to get to me in time. So I hung up and dialed 911 Emergency. I told them I was having severe suicidal thoughts and needed help immediately! Somehow, they were able to understand me through my crying and racing thoughts and incoherent speech. A firetruck with three firemen showed up at my door a minute and a half later. They took my pulse and blood pressure, both were very alarmingly high. I was crying, shaking and trembling, and so scared of myself and my own mind. I told them that, as they asked me questions and took care of me, until the ambulance arrived. The ambulance took me to the hospital Emergency Room at Saint Francis Hospital. I got the work-up needed to ensure I was medically ready and able to go to the Psychiatric Unit.
Once I was driven to Laureate's Psychiatric Hospital and Crisis Unit, from the time I got there, until the day I left, I felt so comforted and cared about. They really were there to help, they checked on me and every other patient every fifteen minutes no matter where I was in the unit. I was on suicide precautions the first three days I was there, the last two days they just wanted to make sure my medications were working and no side effects.
They gave me the correct dose of Effexor XR on the first morning. Four hours later I could already feel a difference. The next morning they gave it to me again and about four hours later I was back to my normal self and mind again. Unbelievable!
I just wanted to let everyone know that there is help out there and you should seek help if you need it. The Psychiatric Hospitals and Crisis Units are trained and know exactly what to do to help you. If they don't know what is going on with you, they will not stop until they figure things out. I highly recommend seeking this kind of help. I am back to my normal state of mind and no longer have suicidal thoughts every day. I have been a depressed person all my life, but the suicidal thoughts occur rarely now. I have good days and bad days like any normal or ill person.
Please don't be afraid to seek the help you need, when you need it. I am a changed person and am thankful every day that I am still alive. In my case, I was having discontinuation symptoms from having the wrong dose and wrong medication that was similar to the other I had been taking for two weeks. Once they figured out the problem and then put me on another medication for my anxiety, called Klonopin, I was ready to go home. But they monitored me a few more days to make sure, which I am thankful for. They really cared!
I hope that my personal testimony will help others out there who may be going through the same or similar problems. When you are feeling like you are going out of your mind, it is hard to make the right decisions. I highly recommend seeking help through these types of crisis programs. It was very beneficial to me and when I was discharged, I was even given help on where to go next. I was given another Psychiatric Hospital's number and they made me an appointment to see them within the next week. I am still currently seeing them as an outpatient. I truly do feel like a changed person, almost back to my normal state of mind. I will always have problems with depression and some suicidal thoughts, as this has been part of the chemical imbalance in my brain for years. But getting on the proper medications helps put you into a remission state and get you back to as near as normal as possible.
Please don't be afraid to seek help when you need it. Don't be scared of Psychiatric Hospitals and Crisis Units. These problems won't just go away on their own. You have to seek the proper medical help, even if it is on an emergency basis. The hospitals are there to help when we are ill, both physically and mentally. Call them or call your emergency line if you feel you are about to lose it. It really will save your life, I am living proof.
