My Sambam (Revised Sept 3rd)

Here's my pretty girl Sambam that I am so worried about.

An update on my precious girl. :( She's making a turn for the worse! She's started losing bladder control quite a bit now. She is having a hard time seeing and hearing who and where people are, including me. She barks and growls at others when they are standing around in the apartment and she can't tell who they are.

I fear she will be leaving me soon. I pray to God that she makes a miraculous recovery and stays with me a few more years. I love this little dog so much! She is so much a part of me and a part of my dearly departed Mother that I just don't know what I would do without her around.

I sit here revising this post crying and feeling so empty and alone already just thinking about living live without my sweet little Sambam. Please pray for her everyone! I know she's 17, but she still has a few years left in her, I just know it. She doesn't seem to be in any pain from her arthritis like she did years ago. So she's not really suffering except from this skin condition and allergies, the itching and scratching. If I could only get that under control, I think she'd do better with her bladder problems.

Sambam is in my lap and needing my attention, so I will end this revision now. I just gave her some Children's Liquid Benadryl, hopefully it will help with the itching. Thanks for listening everyone.

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Her skin allergies have gotten so bad. She's totally bald on her underside and has lost patches of hair on her backside and legs. I gave her a bath today with a Relief shampoo and gave her some Children's Liquid Benadryl. I hope it will help her. I'm very worried about her. She is starting to get small cysts on her tummy and side. She had several removed about 5 years ago and one of her nipples removed, along with a toenail. She's getting very skinny and I fear it might be time I start deciding whether or not to have her put down.
I think she still has a few years left in her, if I could just get this skin infection under control. But I don't have the money to take her to the vet, and you know they won't help for free.

I just wanted to share her with everyone, because she is so special to me. She was my Mother's dog. I had her on and off throughout the years, particularly when I lived in Reno, NV. But I had to have her flown home because my boyfriend at the time started hitting her and being mean to her and wouldn't let me feed her the proper food she needed, which was canned food since she has some missing teeth and her others are so sensitive. She has gone through a lot through the years, she's my baby and when I lose her, it will be like losing a part of Mom again.

I hope you will all enjoy her picture, this was taken about 3 years ago. She is part miniature dachshund and part chihuahua. Mom named her Sam, said she was a spoiled brat like I was when I was a child. I call her Sambam or SamSam. She is 17 years old.

The Ex!!! Ramble Time!

Guess who got kicked out of his sister's house for drinking too much? Guess who called me this morning asking to "come back home"? He is now at his friend's house who doesn't have running water or a/c, the house is a pigsty, that's really where he needs to be with an infected foot! What a dumbazz!

I told him it was over between us, that when he was with another woman, there was no coming back. That was the hardest thing I've ever done!!!! Telling him no and that he doesn't live here anymore and he's not welcome here. But I did it!

He's not even taking care of his foot anymore, not wearing the suction vac to help get the infectious goop out of it. He's going to end up losing his foot for sure! He's spent 2 months at his sister's doing nothing but getting wasted out of his mind, not taking care of himself, has even ran off the home health nurses while belligerent/inebreated.

I am NOT giving in, I can't! No matter how much I want to, I will not allow this. If he wanted me, he woulda called months ago asking for forgiveness, etc. Not going to his ex's and being with her, drinking every day at his sister's, causing problems there with her daughters, telling lies on me, etc.

I was strong today! He's only a mile down the road now and I hope he realizes that I'm serious and I do not want him here. I hope he doesn't just "show up" either. Yikes!

I talked to his sister on the phone for an hour last night, told her if he does show up here, I want her help in calling the mental health association and having him picked up and admitted. For his alcoholism, now the pain medication addiction, and for his mental health problems (bi polar, paranoid schizophrenic, severe depression, etc). They will also get him the help he needs in irrigating his foot and helping him not lose it.

But for now, he's going to just say "oh well, it's too late, the infection is too bad now, I'm just gonna lose my foot". The cowards way out, of course. What a dumbazz! But NOT my problem anymore! I do not feel sorry for him and cannot allow myself to.

Trouble Leaving Comments?

Sorry all, I was playing with my blogger settings and had the comment moderation on. I didn't know that meant I had to go and approve/deny every post that was made before it would appear on my site. Sorry about that! I believe I have it fixed now and all posts should show up immediately now. Let me know if they don't!

Ramblings

Sitting here bored, thought I'd ramble a bit.

My friend Remy and her daughter, Katie have left. I went out with Marlene last night for a few hours, got sick and came back home.

I spent the night with bad acid reflux, pain in stomach, couldn't get to sleep until around 4-5am. So...I missed my Therapist's appointment this morning at 8am. They are very strict on missing first appointments, so I hope I didn't mess that up. They say if you miss your first appointments your account will be closed and no further help given.

I went to the Parkside Psychiatric Hospital in person, where the Psychiatrist and Therapist's offices are and asked to be rescheduled. I was told to call and leave a message on voicemail for my Psychiatrist. They said she can reschedule me, if she feels I deserve it, after missing my first appointment with the Therapist. We shall see! The Therapist will be the one who does my medication management for the Effexor XR and Klonopin and anything else they might decide I need.

I think if I do lose them, I will still be okay though. I can just request Dr. Millar, my regular doctor, to prescribe the medications to me. But I think I need the one-on-one therapy for awhile. All won't be lost I guess though, if I am unable to get treatment with Parkside.

On to another subject...My dog Sambam has severe skin allergies and has lost alot of fur and her skin is very dry. Has been this way over a month now. I bought her some children's liquid Benadryl today and called her vet to see what the proper dosage for her should be. I gave it to her and she has been scratching less. I need to get some more Aveeno (Oatmeal and Oil) to give her a bath in every other day, to keep her skin moisturized. She's very scabby and bald right now, poor thing.

My other dog Rosie is doing fine, need to get her and Sambam some more Frontline Plus for fleas before they get bad again, it is overdue.

Will write more later...

Unhappy with the Cafe - Miss the Introductions/Wordly Wonders thread

Hi friends! Just wanted to let you know that I am not into the new Helium boards Cafe area or being forced to be redirected somewhere else. I was happy in the Introductions forum in our Worldly Wonders thread. I even liked welcoming and helping out the new members who posted. I didn't like it when people started coming into our thread talking about running around nekkid or streakin or whatever. But I tried to go with the flow and make a joke about it. Like "someone's bra and t-shirt fell from the ceiling fan when I turned it on and it scared me". It just seemed to get so childish all of a sudden, I dunno.

Then I go over to the Cafe and there's nothing but silly posts about getting nekkid and such. There's really nothing anyone talks about, like how their days went or asking how others were doing, etc. It's not somewhere that I want to be, so until I find another good thread like we had, I won't be going there anymore.

I will continue to write and rate articles at Helium, but I just got very uncomfortable being forced to go somewhere else where they acted so goofy all the time. I liked it when others talked about their day, their life, their articles, their pets and homes, their well-being, etc. There's always time for some fun and jokes, but not in the entire thread and every post someone makes.

::Sighs:: I shoulda known something so good wouldn't last very long.

Take Care friends! I'll be around, somewhere.

Back from the Psychiatric Hospital

It has been a long month of hell! I've finally gotten the courage and help, to step off of the ride.

I learned a lot, in the past 5 days, while in Laureate Psychiatric Hospital. The most important thing was to never give up, there is always hope and always help. You just have to ask for it and most importantly, you have to want it.

This was my first experience with a psychiatric hospital and being on suicide watch. It wasn't so bad, it's nothing compared to what you see on tv. They don't sedate you, unless you deserve it, by being mean or a danger to yourself and/or others. They check on you every 15 minutes, no matter where you are in the unit.

There were lots of groups to attend, very educational and uplifting. I learned a lot of coping skills and got a lot of booklets and information to read that I brought home with me. I now know that I have a place to go where I feel safe and secure, if I ever get out of control again with myself and my mind.

For those of you who might be too scared, it's not all bad like it sounds. There are great therapists, counselors, psychiatrists, numerous doctors, and staff who WANT to help you. They brainstormed for hours trying to figure out what was going on with me. They finally realized that I was having Discontinuation Symptoms from being given 2 similar medications. I was given Effexor XR to replace my Paxil and it worked great. Then the pharmacy gave me the generic version Venlafaxine, which isn't extended release. So I was being given a weak dose of medication that would go straight through me, making me nauseated/vomiting, weak, headaches, tremors, eye bulging, brain shocks, etc. The generic should have been taken several times a day, rather than just once a day. I was only taking a pill once a day. It would get me WAY up (sickly up) and then take me WAY down. I was experiencing a roller coaster ride of highs and lows that my body and mind couldn't withstand.

My doctor figured out that was the problem, got me on the correct Extended Release meds the next day and almost immediately there was notable changes. The Extended Release gives you smaller doses of medication throughout a 24 hour period, whereas the other just overwhelmed my system and mind. The following day I was back to myself, no side effects or discontinuation symptoms whatsoever. Unbelievable! I was taken off of suicide precautions on the third day. They asked me to stay two more days to make sure my medications agreed with me and I had no further problems mentally/suicidally.

I am so thankful for the doctors and staff at Laureate, as I was losing my mind and ability to get through each day.