You control my every emotion
with your piece of string
You can make me fly
with beautiful wings
Yet as your mood strikes
without a thought
You pull so tight
and pull at my heart
Your string either steals my air
or fills me full of hope
Like pushing my buttons
My thoughts you provoke
Must we go on in this way
In light, then in dark
Let me be free from
your string on my heart
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
One bad little bug!
On a normal hot summer's day when I was about four or five years old, I was playing in the backyard at my Aunt Arlene's house. As I was playing around in the bushes, I got something in my eye. It hurt something terrible and I kept rubbing and rubbing it and couldn't get it to stop hurting. I felt something big and a big bump right in the middle under my eyelid. I ran into the house to look in the mirror and screamed when I discovered some kind of small black bug that looked like a ladybug, round, but more like a beetle in color and hardness. My mother and aunt Arlene came running to see what was wrong and I was still screaming trying to get this bug off of and out of my eye. I was freaking out like when I'd see a spider. Jumping up and down, flinging my arms, freaking out like any child or adult would do when scared from a snake or spider. This little bug was clinging onto my pupil, right in the center of my eye. It covered my entire pupil, all you could see was the brown of my eyes. I must have rubbed it so much and hard that I embedded it into my eye somehow or it was just holding on with it's legs, that you couldn't see.
Mom and aunt Arlene laid me down on the bathroom counter and got out the tweezers and were doing their own surgery on my eye. I remember them trying to pour cold water into my eye and the chlorine in the water burned so bad. I was crying and screaming, kicking, and scared to death. They finally got the tweezers to grip onto the little creature and got it out of my eye.
I do not remember anything after that. But I am now blind in my left eye. What I do see, I see double and if I look out of my left eye for very long, it just blacks out. It starts as a little black circle and the darkness gets bigger and bigger until I cannot see a thing.
I oftentimes wish they would have done the appropriate thing and taken me straight to an emergency room. But would it have made any difference? Had I already done too much damage due to rubbing and rubbing it and trying to push, rub, and get it out of my own eye? Did they do damage with the tweezers? Or had the little bugger dug its little legs into my pupil doing it's own damage? Was it the hard, outer shell of the bug that causes me to see a black circle before everything blacks out?
I will never know the answers, but I remember it as if it was yesterday. When I asked my mother later in life when I was in my twenties, she told me that no such thing ever happened, that I must have dreamt it all. She says I was born that way. Was she in denial or feeling guilty for removing it on her own and not taking me to the hospital? Another answer I will never know, she is now deceased.
I remember later as a child being at my uncle's house where I was more or less raised. He took me into his arms, we were in the front yard. He told me to close my eyes and then walked me to a different place in the yard. It was actually the back side of the house. There's school grounds behind his two and a half acre fenced-in yard that was filled with almost a hundred bright yellow school buses. He told me to keep my right eye covered with my hand and to open my left eye and asked me where we were in the yard. I opened my left eye and could see nothing but a big black circle. I couldn't focus or tell where I was at all. That is when we discovered I was legally blind in my left eye. I must have been six or seven years old by then.
They had taken me to numerous eye doctors and they all told us that we had to wait until I was older to get it fixed. That I had a "lazy eye". But when I grew older, the doctors said it should have been fixed when I was younger. It was a no-win situation from the day it happened.
Did I really dream this or did the bug really cause the blindness in my left eye? I will never know. But I would bet a lot of money that it really happened. A four or five year old child remembers something so scary and so real. I will never forget the feeling of that round, hard shell in my eye and how I felt it with my finger under my eyelid. I'll always remember the hard marble counter they laid me on in the bathroom and the bright lights above as they leaned over me doing their own surgery on me. I still get chills and freaked out feelings when I think of that little bug implanting itself in my pupil.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Understanding constant pain and thoughts of suicide
A person who lives in constant pain often experiences thoughts of suicide. They don't necessarily want to end their lives, but the continuous, unrelenting pain that they have to endure every day and night makes them think these terrible thoughts. They would do ANYTHING to just have one pain free day or to have the pain go away altogether. They oftentimes feel that if they just ended their lives, they wouldn't have to go through the chronic, debilitating, exhaustion, and constant aching that the pain puts them through day in and day out.
If you have ever had a bad toothache, imagine living with that pain 24 hours a day, seven days a week. There are no breaks, there are no surgeries to help, there isn't the chance to go to the dentist and just have the tooth pulled. These people have to live with this constant, sometimes stabbing, piercing, burning and many other types of pain all hours of their lives, every second. There is no way out for them except pain relievers to help dull the pain. They are never pain free, they are just aided in helping diminish it in ways that they can move about and try to go about their days as normally as possible. These people have to learn to put the pain to the side and concentrate on other things. Anything they can learn to do to help them forget for a few minutes is a huge plus.
Others who don't suffer in severe, constant pain do not understand the relentless pain a person goes through. No two people experience pain the same way. Everyone handles pain differently. Some have a higher pain tolerance than others. Some have just had to learn to deal with it, they have no choice.
Imagine yourself laying in bed, crying and hurting so much and nothing helps to rid you of your pain and you cannot sleep due to it. The thoughts that would race through your mind would either be to get more pain medication to help dull the pains or find some way to end the pain, and sadly even just end your life to get out of the pain. You cannot blame someone for having suicidal thoughts when it comes to continuous pain. It takes its toll on a person and their mind. It can literally drive you insane, give you so much more anxiety and stress, that it makes a person hurt even more. It is a brutal cycle that pain puts a person through.
Over time, your body builds a resistance to pain medications and they end up not even helping anymore. A person can end up so strung out on pain medications and muscle relaxers. Most people who live with chronic, constant pain end up being prescribed antidepressants and anxiety medications as well. The stress they cause themselves from the pain itself, from worrying about the pain, the anxiety of when the medications wear off or if they do not help, causes such anxiety and so many sleepless nights.
Again, try to put yourself in their shoes. Try to talk to them to understand their pain better. Listen and learn from how they describe their pain, their thoughts, and its effects on their everyday lives. Perhaps you can find ways to help alleviate some of the pain, stress, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, etc by just being there for your loved one who goes through constant, chronic pain. Whatever gets their mind off their pain, help them achieve that goal more often.
Whatever you do, don't think it's just all in their head or they're just being wimps. Have sympathy for the people who have to live with pain. If you were able to feel their pains, you would probably go out of your mind too and look for a way out. You should always be there for your loved one. Find them help, perhaps suggest therapy to learn coping skills to deal with their pain.
Depression is one of the most common problems experienced by those who live in constant, chronic pain. The depression can get so bad that they have suicidal thoughts and even suicidal attempts. Suffering is where pain and suicide meet. A person who suffers in pain needs a pain specialist to help them regulate their pain. Suicidal individuals and those with chronic pain share the same experience and thoughts of hopelessness. Recurrent stress and intense pain decreases endorphin levels in the brain, endorphin is the natural substances that relieve pain. This increases their vulnerability to all ailments. This must be offset. This is the function of pain management. Those who suffer with chronic pain need to be on antidepressants to help with the depression, anxiety and distress that the pain causes also.
More than 50 million people live with constant, chronic pain every day of their lives. Chronic pain is frequently under-treated and worse, many doctors simply ignore it. Chronic pain can be back pain, neck pain, sports injuries, car wreck injuries, migraine headaches, arthritis, debilitating diseases like fibromyalgia, and many other injuries and ailments. Pain can strike anyone at any age. Severe, chronic pain can kill, it's as simple as that. There are so many who commit suicide because they cannot take the pain anymore. Patients with constant pain attempt or commit suicide more than those who do not suffer in pain. These sufferers are two to three times more likely to attempt or even succeed at killing themselves as well. There are so many missed days of work, hundreds of millions of dollars spent on trying to relieve pain or purchase pain medications and find treatments to help lessen the pain. Sadly and unbelievably a lot of people in so much crippling pain look for assisted suicide from friends and family or even euthanasia or assisted suicide from physicians.
There are so many people who wouldn't even be able to get out of their own beds without the use of opioids. These pain medications allow a person to be able to lead halfway normal lives and get them out of bed each day. But over time, they build up a resistance to the medications and have to take several different drugs at a time to be able to relieve their pain. These chemical crutches from the powerful opium-like painkillers in high doses keep so many from being bedridden and/or suicidal. It is a miracle to so many and for others it is even more debilitating to their painful conditions. They become so strung out and dependent on the medications, that if they run out or can't get them anymore, suicide is their final and only answer.
If you know someone who is in severe pain or if you live with constant pain, you need to seek help. Talk with your doctors, be honest with them. Write a pain journal, tell how much it hurts, the thoughts you are having at the time, etc. Your doctor can refer you to a pain specialist who can help regulate and manage your pain. They will work together to get you on the right medications, treatments, and therapy to help you live as normal a life as possible. There is help and there are treatments that help you cope with the pain. Do not take your life or attempt to hurt yourself because you live in severe pain. Find the right team of doctors who can give you antidepressants for the depression, anxiety medications for the stress and anxiety the pain causes you, pain medications and possibly muscle relaxers to help alleviate your constant pain. Do not give in to the pain and do not give up. Seek help and learn to be a part of your own pain management team. Get therapy and learn coping skills. No matter what, do not take your own life, because there is help and there are other ways to manage chronic pain.
If you have ever had a bad toothache, imagine living with that pain 24 hours a day, seven days a week. There are no breaks, there are no surgeries to help, there isn't the chance to go to the dentist and just have the tooth pulled. These people have to live with this constant, sometimes stabbing, piercing, burning and many other types of pain all hours of their lives, every second. There is no way out for them except pain relievers to help dull the pain. They are never pain free, they are just aided in helping diminish it in ways that they can move about and try to go about their days as normally as possible. These people have to learn to put the pain to the side and concentrate on other things. Anything they can learn to do to help them forget for a few minutes is a huge plus.
Others who don't suffer in severe, constant pain do not understand the relentless pain a person goes through. No two people experience pain the same way. Everyone handles pain differently. Some have a higher pain tolerance than others. Some have just had to learn to deal with it, they have no choice.
Imagine yourself laying in bed, crying and hurting so much and nothing helps to rid you of your pain and you cannot sleep due to it. The thoughts that would race through your mind would either be to get more pain medication to help dull the pains or find some way to end the pain, and sadly even just end your life to get out of the pain. You cannot blame someone for having suicidal thoughts when it comes to continuous pain. It takes its toll on a person and their mind. It can literally drive you insane, give you so much more anxiety and stress, that it makes a person hurt even more. It is a brutal cycle that pain puts a person through.
Over time, your body builds a resistance to pain medications and they end up not even helping anymore. A person can end up so strung out on pain medications and muscle relaxers. Most people who live with chronic, constant pain end up being prescribed antidepressants and anxiety medications as well. The stress they cause themselves from the pain itself, from worrying about the pain, the anxiety of when the medications wear off or if they do not help, causes such anxiety and so many sleepless nights.
Again, try to put yourself in their shoes. Try to talk to them to understand their pain better. Listen and learn from how they describe their pain, their thoughts, and its effects on their everyday lives. Perhaps you can find ways to help alleviate some of the pain, stress, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, etc by just being there for your loved one who goes through constant, chronic pain. Whatever gets their mind off their pain, help them achieve that goal more often.
Whatever you do, don't think it's just all in their head or they're just being wimps. Have sympathy for the people who have to live with pain. If you were able to feel their pains, you would probably go out of your mind too and look for a way out. You should always be there for your loved one. Find them help, perhaps suggest therapy to learn coping skills to deal with their pain.
Depression is one of the most common problems experienced by those who live in constant, chronic pain. The depression can get so bad that they have suicidal thoughts and even suicidal attempts. Suffering is where pain and suicide meet. A person who suffers in pain needs a pain specialist to help them regulate their pain. Suicidal individuals and those with chronic pain share the same experience and thoughts of hopelessness. Recurrent stress and intense pain decreases endorphin levels in the brain, endorphin is the natural substances that relieve pain. This increases their vulnerability to all ailments. This must be offset. This is the function of pain management. Those who suffer with chronic pain need to be on antidepressants to help with the depression, anxiety and distress that the pain causes also.
More than 50 million people live with constant, chronic pain every day of their lives. Chronic pain is frequently under-treated and worse, many doctors simply ignore it. Chronic pain can be back pain, neck pain, sports injuries, car wreck injuries, migraine headaches, arthritis, debilitating diseases like fibromyalgia, and many other injuries and ailments. Pain can strike anyone at any age. Severe, chronic pain can kill, it's as simple as that. There are so many who commit suicide because they cannot take the pain anymore. Patients with constant pain attempt or commit suicide more than those who do not suffer in pain. These sufferers are two to three times more likely to attempt or even succeed at killing themselves as well. There are so many missed days of work, hundreds of millions of dollars spent on trying to relieve pain or purchase pain medications and find treatments to help lessen the pain. Sadly and unbelievably a lot of people in so much crippling pain look for assisted suicide from friends and family or even euthanasia or assisted suicide from physicians.
There are so many people who wouldn't even be able to get out of their own beds without the use of opioids. These pain medications allow a person to be able to lead halfway normal lives and get them out of bed each day. But over time, they build up a resistance to the medications and have to take several different drugs at a time to be able to relieve their pain. These chemical crutches from the powerful opium-like painkillers in high doses keep so many from being bedridden and/or suicidal. It is a miracle to so many and for others it is even more debilitating to their painful conditions. They become so strung out and dependent on the medications, that if they run out or can't get them anymore, suicide is their final and only answer.
If you know someone who is in severe pain or if you live with constant pain, you need to seek help. Talk with your doctors, be honest with them. Write a pain journal, tell how much it hurts, the thoughts you are having at the time, etc. Your doctor can refer you to a pain specialist who can help regulate and manage your pain. They will work together to get you on the right medications, treatments, and therapy to help you live as normal a life as possible. There is help and there are treatments that help you cope with the pain. Do not take your life or attempt to hurt yourself because you live in severe pain. Find the right team of doctors who can give you antidepressants for the depression, anxiety medications for the stress and anxiety the pain causes you, pain medications and possibly muscle relaxers to help alleviate your constant pain. Do not give in to the pain and do not give up. Seek help and learn to be a part of your own pain management team. Get therapy and learn coping skills. No matter what, do not take your own life, because there is help and there are other ways to manage chronic pain.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Good remedies for lovesickness
After losing someone you are so utterly and completely in love with, it is one of the hardest things in life to overcome. But you are not alone, there are millions of men and women who face the pain of being lovesick every single day. The feelings become real illnesses for such a long time, that it seems impossible to overcome.
Just a reminder of your loved one, like their smell on a pillow or seeing a picture of them, leaves your heart in your stomach. You are unable to swallow or even eat for days on end. You lose the will to go on and make it through each day. You begin to not even care about anything or anyone, especially yourself. Even your hygiene starts to get bad, your friends and family begin to worry uncontrollably about you. You do not even realize the downward spiral you are going through.
But do not give up and do not give in to these feelings of hopelessness. Your best remedy is to talk and get it out. Talk to your friends, your family, your co-workers, anyone who is going through the same thing or has gone through it. The best thing you can do is to let it out and vent. Do not keep it all balled up inside of you. Allow your friends to be there for you, that is what friends are for. You cannot make it through this without the outside world. Don't allow yourself to stay holed up and hidden inside your home. You must get out into the world again. Get a makeover, go on a diet and lose some weight, buy new makeup, start working out or walking. Go shopping and buy yourself some sexy outfits. Do anything to make yourself feel better about yourself and help give you a higher self esteem. It is easier said than done, especially if your partner left you, but you have to remember to live again. There was life before them and there will be a life after them.
You cannot allow yourself to dwell on what was or what could have been. You have to move on and make a new life for yourself. If it is meant to be, your partner will come back to you. If not, you are better off on your own and getting back out into the world and learning how much fun it is to just be you and do your own thing without having to answer to anyone. How many things have you been wanting to do, but couldn't, because you were tied down? Do those things now, get your mind off of everything and try to enjoy yourself.
For some, it helps to write a journal of your feelings each day. As you gain independence and give yourself a higher self esteem, you can look back and laugh at how you felt and the things you had written. It is part of living to go through relationship after relationship until you find the person who was meant for you.
Learn to read inspirational books, seek out a higher power and pray for forgiveness for your sins, cleanse yourself inside and out, and start anew. You will be amazed, as each day passes how much less it hurts. Time heals all wounds. If you were in a two year relationship, give yourself one year to grieve that relationship. Things don't just change overnight, your heart will not let go easily either, but it will happen in time. You need to learn to love yourself again, the more comfortable you are with yourself, the more comfortable and attractive you will be to others. In time, you will learn to love life again. You will appreciate the little things. You will even begin to look for a new partner and a new life. Let love happen, don't force it or try to make it happen overnight.
Remember, no matter who breaks your heart or how long it takes to heal, you will never get through it without your friends and family. Let the tears flow, get them out, get it all out. Remember the good times and the bad. Most importantly, remember that you are a good person. You were good before your relationship and you'll be even better after you get over it and learn to appreciate life and love again.
Go out with your friends, have a good time. Invite your friends and family over for dinner. Just remember to keep love around you at all times. It doesn't have to be the love of a significant other, but the true love you get from friends and family that is never ending. You will be okay, just give it time.
Just a reminder of your loved one, like their smell on a pillow or seeing a picture of them, leaves your heart in your stomach. You are unable to swallow or even eat for days on end. You lose the will to go on and make it through each day. You begin to not even care about anything or anyone, especially yourself. Even your hygiene starts to get bad, your friends and family begin to worry uncontrollably about you. You do not even realize the downward spiral you are going through.
But do not give up and do not give in to these feelings of hopelessness. Your best remedy is to talk and get it out. Talk to your friends, your family, your co-workers, anyone who is going through the same thing or has gone through it. The best thing you can do is to let it out and vent. Do not keep it all balled up inside of you. Allow your friends to be there for you, that is what friends are for. You cannot make it through this without the outside world. Don't allow yourself to stay holed up and hidden inside your home. You must get out into the world again. Get a makeover, go on a diet and lose some weight, buy new makeup, start working out or walking. Go shopping and buy yourself some sexy outfits. Do anything to make yourself feel better about yourself and help give you a higher self esteem. It is easier said than done, especially if your partner left you, but you have to remember to live again. There was life before them and there will be a life after them.
You cannot allow yourself to dwell on what was or what could have been. You have to move on and make a new life for yourself. If it is meant to be, your partner will come back to you. If not, you are better off on your own and getting back out into the world and learning how much fun it is to just be you and do your own thing without having to answer to anyone. How many things have you been wanting to do, but couldn't, because you were tied down? Do those things now, get your mind off of everything and try to enjoy yourself.
For some, it helps to write a journal of your feelings each day. As you gain independence and give yourself a higher self esteem, you can look back and laugh at how you felt and the things you had written. It is part of living to go through relationship after relationship until you find the person who was meant for you.
Learn to read inspirational books, seek out a higher power and pray for forgiveness for your sins, cleanse yourself inside and out, and start anew. You will be amazed, as each day passes how much less it hurts. Time heals all wounds. If you were in a two year relationship, give yourself one year to grieve that relationship. Things don't just change overnight, your heart will not let go easily either, but it will happen in time. You need to learn to love yourself again, the more comfortable you are with yourself, the more comfortable and attractive you will be to others. In time, you will learn to love life again. You will appreciate the little things. You will even begin to look for a new partner and a new life. Let love happen, don't force it or try to make it happen overnight.
Remember, no matter who breaks your heart or how long it takes to heal, you will never get through it without your friends and family. Let the tears flow, get them out, get it all out. Remember the good times and the bad. Most importantly, remember that you are a good person. You were good before your relationship and you'll be even better after you get over it and learn to appreciate life and love again.
Go out with your friends, have a good time. Invite your friends and family over for dinner. Just remember to keep love around you at all times. It doesn't have to be the love of a significant other, but the true love you get from friends and family that is never ending. You will be okay, just give it time.
Monday, October 8, 2007
The lazy girl's guide to getting fit
There are many women who have health problems and cannot do the everyday workouts in gyms or even walk very long at a time, much less jog. This labels these women as lazy. In their hearts, they would rather be out there on a bicycle to tone those muscles and lose weight. But in a real world, it just isn't physically possible, as the added stress to one's body causes many more chronic problems.
A woman with Fibromyalgia who lives in chronic severe pain every day of her life cannot fathom a workout plan, much less find a way to get her body tone and fit. What one needs to do is learn what IS doable and what can help in a person's everyday life to tone and lose those extra pounds.
The first thing you need to concentrate on is your diet. This doesn't mean you have to go on a strict diet or a diet at all. It just means to start thinking and eating healthier and quit eating fried foods altogether. Stop eating fast foods, deep fried or even battered fried foods. Learn to bake or broil your meats instead, letting the fatty, oily, cellulite creating juices drain off and away from the meat, poultry, pork, etc. You can learn to use a broiling pan, even if you aren't broiling. Be sure to cut off all fat from your meats, then wash and season them, even leaving the spices on overnight for more delicious taste. Then broil (quick, hot cooking) them on each side for 6 minutes. If extra cooking is needed, just adjust the times and turn them again for a few extra minutes. The most important thing is to let the juices drain away and off of the meats. You will learn over time, like in 6 months, the extra inches you have gained all over your body will start to disappear. Do not eat fatty meats like hamburger meat at all, they are not only artery clogging, the fat in them over time can create reflux disease and disorders causing heartburn. Leave fatty hot dogs and bologna alone too. Switch to turkey breast or chicken lunch meats instead. You can also find extra lean and light hot dog wieners too.
Doing housework, in small 15 minute intervals will help also. Those who cannot clean and do chores around the house all at once will love this. Turn on some motivating music, get that vacuum cleaner out and get your blood pumping for 15 minutes at a time. You can do one room, then take a break for 5 minutes if needed, drink some water and relax. Then get up and do another room for 15 or 20 minutes at a time. You can dust at the same time, or get a broom and sweep your baseboards as well. You have to allow your body and heart time to get the blood pumping and get your muscles working. Do this all over the house, try to make one chore into two or three chores. For instance when sweeping the stairs, sweep the baseboards, dust the rails and baseboards with a washcloth, sweep one stair at a time and clean the walls or safety rail at the same time.
Learn to do your dishes in intervals also. Wash them and rinse them, then take a break, coming back to dry and put them in the cupboards where they belong. When you eat a meal, always wash out the foods in your bowl or plate and it will make it that easier on you when it comes time to washing them.
When sitting at a computer in your chair, you can do exercises also. Do neck stretches, stretch out your arms and shoulders. Lift your feet off the floor for several minutes, then relax them. Practice tightening your buttocks and relaxing them. Do your kegal exercises if needed. There are so many ways that we can train our brains and bodies into exercising, even when we're sitting and doing nothing.
Make yourself a routine, write it down if necessary as a To-Do List, the things you want to get done around the house. Write down the errands you need to run and the things you need to pick up from the grocery store. You will be amazed at how much more you are able to get done. You can even make sure you get out each day and get your walking done by going to the grocery store one day. Then go to the Dollar Store the next day. If you have a doctor's appointment, make that something to do on a different day. All these things help when doing them in intervals, rather than all at once.
Learn to walk to the mailbox instead of driving to it on your way out. If you have animals, take them out extra times a day for a walk or to just let them use the restroom. There are so many ways you can learn to keep yourself fit and tone and lose weight. You just have to motivate your mind and learn the easier ways and healthier ways to do it.
I personally have lost 53 pounds in 6 months by doing all of the above, so I am living proof that it is possible. I live with chronic pain every day of my life, with Fibromyalgia and cannot do the things I used to be able to do. But I have learned how just changing the way you cook things, driving past those fast food restaurants and eating at home instead helps. The preparation to cook your meal and cooking it, is exercise in itself. You have to learn ways to get exercise and motivate yourself, so you can stop sleeping all day, laying on the couch watching television, or reading magazines. I have done all those things and they have gotten me nowhere. Even with the pain I suffer, I am able to take a walk, even extra walks, with my dogs. I walk to the office to pay my rent instead of driving. I walk to the post office to mail my bills, instead of driving 1/4 of a mile.
There are so many ways you can lose weight and get your body in shape. I personally went from a size 4X in men's shirts to size L or XL in women's shirts. I now have a new wardrobe and love to go shopping for new clothes. That's good exercise too and the time flies while shopping and searching for that perfect shirt or outfit. Go shop at a thrift store, second-hand or Goodwill store where you have to work and search to find what you want. Take the lazy out of your life and add good health, a leaner, more toned body and a new wardrobe instead.
A woman with Fibromyalgia who lives in chronic severe pain every day of her life cannot fathom a workout plan, much less find a way to get her body tone and fit. What one needs to do is learn what IS doable and what can help in a person's everyday life to tone and lose those extra pounds.
The first thing you need to concentrate on is your diet. This doesn't mean you have to go on a strict diet or a diet at all. It just means to start thinking and eating healthier and quit eating fried foods altogether. Stop eating fast foods, deep fried or even battered fried foods. Learn to bake or broil your meats instead, letting the fatty, oily, cellulite creating juices drain off and away from the meat, poultry, pork, etc. You can learn to use a broiling pan, even if you aren't broiling. Be sure to cut off all fat from your meats, then wash and season them, even leaving the spices on overnight for more delicious taste. Then broil (quick, hot cooking) them on each side for 6 minutes. If extra cooking is needed, just adjust the times and turn them again for a few extra minutes. The most important thing is to let the juices drain away and off of the meats. You will learn over time, like in 6 months, the extra inches you have gained all over your body will start to disappear. Do not eat fatty meats like hamburger meat at all, they are not only artery clogging, the fat in them over time can create reflux disease and disorders causing heartburn. Leave fatty hot dogs and bologna alone too. Switch to turkey breast or chicken lunch meats instead. You can also find extra lean and light hot dog wieners too.
Doing housework, in small 15 minute intervals will help also. Those who cannot clean and do chores around the house all at once will love this. Turn on some motivating music, get that vacuum cleaner out and get your blood pumping for 15 minutes at a time. You can do one room, then take a break for 5 minutes if needed, drink some water and relax. Then get up and do another room for 15 or 20 minutes at a time. You can dust at the same time, or get a broom and sweep your baseboards as well. You have to allow your body and heart time to get the blood pumping and get your muscles working. Do this all over the house, try to make one chore into two or three chores. For instance when sweeping the stairs, sweep the baseboards, dust the rails and baseboards with a washcloth, sweep one stair at a time and clean the walls or safety rail at the same time.
Learn to do your dishes in intervals also. Wash them and rinse them, then take a break, coming back to dry and put them in the cupboards where they belong. When you eat a meal, always wash out the foods in your bowl or plate and it will make it that easier on you when it comes time to washing them.
When sitting at a computer in your chair, you can do exercises also. Do neck stretches, stretch out your arms and shoulders. Lift your feet off the floor for several minutes, then relax them. Practice tightening your buttocks and relaxing them. Do your kegal exercises if needed. There are so many ways that we can train our brains and bodies into exercising, even when we're sitting and doing nothing.
Make yourself a routine, write it down if necessary as a To-Do List, the things you want to get done around the house. Write down the errands you need to run and the things you need to pick up from the grocery store. You will be amazed at how much more you are able to get done. You can even make sure you get out each day and get your walking done by going to the grocery store one day. Then go to the Dollar Store the next day. If you have a doctor's appointment, make that something to do on a different day. All these things help when doing them in intervals, rather than all at once.
Learn to walk to the mailbox instead of driving to it on your way out. If you have animals, take them out extra times a day for a walk or to just let them use the restroom. There are so many ways you can learn to keep yourself fit and tone and lose weight. You just have to motivate your mind and learn the easier ways and healthier ways to do it.
I personally have lost 53 pounds in 6 months by doing all of the above, so I am living proof that it is possible. I live with chronic pain every day of my life, with Fibromyalgia and cannot do the things I used to be able to do. But I have learned how just changing the way you cook things, driving past those fast food restaurants and eating at home instead helps. The preparation to cook your meal and cooking it, is exercise in itself. You have to learn ways to get exercise and motivate yourself, so you can stop sleeping all day, laying on the couch watching television, or reading magazines. I have done all those things and they have gotten me nowhere. Even with the pain I suffer, I am able to take a walk, even extra walks, with my dogs. I walk to the office to pay my rent instead of driving. I walk to the post office to mail my bills, instead of driving 1/4 of a mile.
There are so many ways you can lose weight and get your body in shape. I personally went from a size 4X in men's shirts to size L or XL in women's shirts. I now have a new wardrobe and love to go shopping for new clothes. That's good exercise too and the time flies while shopping and searching for that perfect shirt or outfit. Go shop at a thrift store, second-hand or Goodwill store where you have to work and search to find what you want. Take the lazy out of your life and add good health, a leaner, more toned body and a new wardrobe instead.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Testimonies: What my dog means to me
Before my mother passed away from lung cancer in January of 2000, her very last words to me were "please, take care of my baby". Her baby is a miniature dachshund/chihuahua mix named Sam. She is black and tan and has a cute, short nose and very tiny. She is long like a dachshund, has short back legs and even shorter front legs. She looks like a puppy even now. She had named her after me, my name is Samantha, she said that Sam was spoiled just like me when I was a child. Always had to be on her heels and by her side at all times.
After mom passed away, I took her in and have been spoiling her ever since. I have nicknamed her Sambam. She was born on New Year's Eve, 17 years ago. I dread the day she passes on to "Doggy Heaven" because it will be like losing my mother all over again.
When mom was on her deathbed, she whispered to her husband to go to their house and get two things. One was a little ceramic angel and the other was the little statue that looked just like Sambam. I think she had told my step-dad to bring Sam to her, but he brought the little statue look-alike instead. He laid it by her side and she put her hand on it and put the little guardian angel to her heart. She smiled and took her last breath with that smile still on her face. I will never forget that day when she waited to see her baby one last time before she left this world.
This little dachshund/chihuahua mix has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I think mom knew that I needed her, as much as she needed me. I was really the only one who ever really understood the two of them. Everyone used to get mad at mom because she spoiled Sam so much, but she never gave in. Sambam always came first. Sambam knows when I am upset and will come to me and just look at me as if she is looking into my soul. She will not stop until I start petting her and getting my kisses and hugs from her. She takes care of me as much as I take care of her. She was always close to my mom, even had a babysitter when mom would leave the house to go bowling or go to work. She was indeed spoiled rotten and loved every minute of it.
I do not know what I will do when Sambam passes away. My family tells my boyfriend that he better be ready, because the day Sambam dies I will fall apart. I agree because I have taken the place of my mother and Sambam is now on my heels all day, lays beside me on the couch under her blanket, sleeps in bed with me at night, goes bye-bye with me wherever I go and is my inspiration to get through each day. She is such a sweet little soul and I am blessed to have been able to be the one to take care of her for the rest of her life.
At 17 years old, she is starting to lose her hearing and sight and I fear the day she will leave me is getting closer and closer. I have done all I can to make her happy and take my mother's place in her life. Mom used to say if Sambam passed away before her, she wanted to get her stuffed, so she could always be with her. She also wanted to have her put in her coffin and buried with her, so they would never be separated. This is impossible now, but I will make sure when she does pass away that I bury a picture of her on top of mom's grave.
Sambam is protective of those she loves and sometimes thinks she's a big rottweiler or other huge dog. She will run the biggest of dogs out of the yard, intimidate any person who comes near me, and she has always been a sweet companion. Sambam means the world to me, especially since she was a part of my mom and so dear to her. I fear the day when she does die, because I will always be looking for her at my heels and on my lap or beside me on the couch. I will miss her dearly and it will be like losing my mother all over again.
It is amazing how one little sweet soul can bring so much love and peace into someone's life. I must admit that I have enjoyed her more than any other person or animal as my companion. Sambam has had a very long and happy life. She will always be special to me, even when she is gone. I will miss her so much when she leaves me, because she is like a little sister to me. But I will be happy knowing that Sambam and mom will be together again in heaven one day soon.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Testimonies: Psychiatric Hospitals and Crisis Units
Being a person with suicidal tendencies, I knew the day would come when I needed outside help. My first attempt at getting help was to drive myself to an Emergency Room at St. John's hospital and I didn't get the help I was needing. I was there over 8 hours and never saw anyone but a doctor who said I was okay to go to the Psych Ward. I ended up leaving with my father and going home to stay with my brother for the night. This was after waiting the entire day and night for help and nobody showed up from the Crisis Unit to help me.
The second time I needed immediate help was over a month later. I was so overwhelmed with suicidal thoughts, I sought help by dialing the 911 Emergency line. I was driven to an Emergency Room by ambulance to a different hospital called St. Francis. I was put in a room with a bed in the triage unit and they took bloodwork, urine samples, did an EKG, etc to make sure I was physically well enough to go to the Psychiatric Hospital and Crisis Unit at Laureate.
I was terrified, knowing how Psychiatric Hospitals looked on television and how everyone always seemed to be doped-up. But I held my head up high and accepted the help. I must say that it is the best decision I have ever made in my entire life. The people there were so caring and understanding. They listened and interviewed me to figure out what was going on in my mind. They spent hours questioning me the night I came in, until they figured out what the problem was.
From the time I was admitted, to the day I was to be discharged, I saw numerous doctors, counselors, therapists, etc. every single day. They are very hands-on and really want to help you to figure out what your mental problems are and how they can help you. There was also group therapy sessions every other hour that you could attend if you wanted, it wasn't mandatory. I joined in on several of these and must say it was very therapeutic and I did learn a lot. I was given a lot of reading materials to read when I was there and to also take home to continue reading and learning from.
In my case, I was given a two week sample of Effexor XR to replace the Paxil I had been taking for over ten years that was prescribed by my regular doctor. The Paxil had quit working and I had mentioned it to my doctor several times over the past 6 months. It had me severely depressed, having anxiety/panic attacks again, and having suicidal thoughts on and off. I was just unable to handle every day hardships anymore and needed a new antidepressant medication. The pharmacy had given me the generic version of Effexor, which was Venlafaxine and it wasn't extended release. The Effexor XR, which is extended release, was to be taken once a day, whereas the generic Venlafaxine should be taken several times a day. I was given the same dose of the generic as I was taking of the Effexor XR and it sent my body through such torment, going through me immediately, overwhelming my system and mind. It would take me way up and then way down, giving me such terrible side effects. I experienced nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, brain shocks, eye bulging, headaches, dizziness, full body shakes/tremors, and weakness for three and a half weeks.
Over several weeks while going through such highs and lows, I had tried to get in touch with my regular doctor, left several messages, but never got a call back. During this time I was getting worse every day, couldn't keep food or medication down, couldn't drive, and could barely function. I thought I was losing my mind and having a nervous breakdown.
The day I was admitted, I was having such a rough day that I tried to calm myself down and calm my racing mind and talk myself out of the suicidal thoughts. I went to take a shower and saw a razor blade on the side of the tub. My mind immediately started racing, telling me "you can cut yourself up here and nobody would have to clean it up." That scared me so much I ran out of there and decided I'd wait on the shower. I then went into the kitchen to try to fix something to eat, as I hadn't been able to keep any food down. I immediately saw the knife block on the counter and all the knives in it and my mind told me "there you go, just stab yourself in the heart, stomach, chest, cut your throat and wrists, end your life now!" I ran from the kitchen and sat on the couch crying uncontrollably and shaking and not knowing what to do to stop my mind from thinking such horrid thoughts. I picked up the phone and started to dial my father's number and realized that he wouldn't be able to get to me in time. So I hung up and dialed 911 Emergency. I told them I was having severe suicidal thoughts and needed help immediately! Somehow, they were able to understand me through my crying and racing thoughts and incoherent speech. A firetruck with three firemen showed up at my door a minute and a half later. They took my pulse and blood pressure, both were very alarmingly high. I was crying, shaking and trembling, and so scared of myself and my own mind. I told them that, as they asked me questions and took care of me, until the ambulance arrived. The ambulance took me to the hospital Emergency Room at Saint Francis Hospital. I got the work-up needed to ensure I was medically ready and able to go to the Psychiatric Unit.
Once I was driven to Laureate's Psychiatric Hospital and Crisis Unit, from the time I got there, until the day I left, I felt so comforted and cared about. They really were there to help, they checked on me and every other patient every fifteen minutes no matter where I was in the unit. I was on suicide precautions the first three days I was there, the last two days they just wanted to make sure my medications were working and no side effects.
They gave me the correct dose of Effexor XR on the first morning. Four hours later I could already feel a difference. The next morning they gave it to me again and about four hours later I was back to my normal self and mind again. Unbelievable!
I just wanted to let everyone know that there is help out there and you should seek help if you need it. The Psychiatric Hospitals and Crisis Units are trained and know exactly what to do to help you. If they don't know what is going on with you, they will not stop until they figure things out. I highly recommend seeking this kind of help. I am back to my normal state of mind and no longer have suicidal thoughts every day. I have been a depressed person all my life, but the suicidal thoughts occur rarely now. I have good days and bad days like any normal or ill person.
Please don't be afraid to seek the help you need, when you need it. I am a changed person and am thankful every day that I am still alive. In my case, I was having discontinuation symptoms from having the wrong dose and wrong medication that was similar to the other I had been taking for two weeks. Once they figured out the problem and then put me on another medication for my anxiety, called Klonopin, I was ready to go home. But they monitored me a few more days to make sure, which I am thankful for. They really cared!
I hope that my personal testimony will help others out there who may be going through the same or similar problems. When you are feeling like you are going out of your mind, it is hard to make the right decisions. I highly recommend seeking help through these types of crisis programs. It was very beneficial to me and when I was discharged, I was even given help on where to go next. I was given another Psychiatric Hospital's number and they made me an appointment to see them within the next week. I am still currently seeing them as an outpatient. I truly do feel like a changed person, almost back to my normal state of mind. I will always have problems with depression and some suicidal thoughts, as this has been part of the chemical imbalance in my brain for years. But getting on the proper medications helps put you into a remission state and get you back to as near as normal as possible.
Please don't be afraid to seek help when you need it. Don't be scared of Psychiatric Hospitals and Crisis Units. These problems won't just go away on their own. You have to seek the proper medical help, even if it is on an emergency basis. The hospitals are there to help when we are ill, both physically and mentally. Call them or call your emergency line if you feel you are about to lose it. It really will save your life, I am living proof.
The second time I needed immediate help was over a month later. I was so overwhelmed with suicidal thoughts, I sought help by dialing the 911 Emergency line. I was driven to an Emergency Room by ambulance to a different hospital called St. Francis. I was put in a room with a bed in the triage unit and they took bloodwork, urine samples, did an EKG, etc to make sure I was physically well enough to go to the Psychiatric Hospital and Crisis Unit at Laureate.
I was terrified, knowing how Psychiatric Hospitals looked on television and how everyone always seemed to be doped-up. But I held my head up high and accepted the help. I must say that it is the best decision I have ever made in my entire life. The people there were so caring and understanding. They listened and interviewed me to figure out what was going on in my mind. They spent hours questioning me the night I came in, until they figured out what the problem was.
From the time I was admitted, to the day I was to be discharged, I saw numerous doctors, counselors, therapists, etc. every single day. They are very hands-on and really want to help you to figure out what your mental problems are and how they can help you. There was also group therapy sessions every other hour that you could attend if you wanted, it wasn't mandatory. I joined in on several of these and must say it was very therapeutic and I did learn a lot. I was given a lot of reading materials to read when I was there and to also take home to continue reading and learning from.
In my case, I was given a two week sample of Effexor XR to replace the Paxil I had been taking for over ten years that was prescribed by my regular doctor. The Paxil had quit working and I had mentioned it to my doctor several times over the past 6 months. It had me severely depressed, having anxiety/panic attacks again, and having suicidal thoughts on and off. I was just unable to handle every day hardships anymore and needed a new antidepressant medication. The pharmacy had given me the generic version of Effexor, which was Venlafaxine and it wasn't extended release. The Effexor XR, which is extended release, was to be taken once a day, whereas the generic Venlafaxine should be taken several times a day. I was given the same dose of the generic as I was taking of the Effexor XR and it sent my body through such torment, going through me immediately, overwhelming my system and mind. It would take me way up and then way down, giving me such terrible side effects. I experienced nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, brain shocks, eye bulging, headaches, dizziness, full body shakes/tremors, and weakness for three and a half weeks.
Over several weeks while going through such highs and lows, I had tried to get in touch with my regular doctor, left several messages, but never got a call back. During this time I was getting worse every day, couldn't keep food or medication down, couldn't drive, and could barely function. I thought I was losing my mind and having a nervous breakdown.
The day I was admitted, I was having such a rough day that I tried to calm myself down and calm my racing mind and talk myself out of the suicidal thoughts. I went to take a shower and saw a razor blade on the side of the tub. My mind immediately started racing, telling me "you can cut yourself up here and nobody would have to clean it up." That scared me so much I ran out of there and decided I'd wait on the shower. I then went into the kitchen to try to fix something to eat, as I hadn't been able to keep any food down. I immediately saw the knife block on the counter and all the knives in it and my mind told me "there you go, just stab yourself in the heart, stomach, chest, cut your throat and wrists, end your life now!" I ran from the kitchen and sat on the couch crying uncontrollably and shaking and not knowing what to do to stop my mind from thinking such horrid thoughts. I picked up the phone and started to dial my father's number and realized that he wouldn't be able to get to me in time. So I hung up and dialed 911 Emergency. I told them I was having severe suicidal thoughts and needed help immediately! Somehow, they were able to understand me through my crying and racing thoughts and incoherent speech. A firetruck with three firemen showed up at my door a minute and a half later. They took my pulse and blood pressure, both were very alarmingly high. I was crying, shaking and trembling, and so scared of myself and my own mind. I told them that, as they asked me questions and took care of me, until the ambulance arrived. The ambulance took me to the hospital Emergency Room at Saint Francis Hospital. I got the work-up needed to ensure I was medically ready and able to go to the Psychiatric Unit.
Once I was driven to Laureate's Psychiatric Hospital and Crisis Unit, from the time I got there, until the day I left, I felt so comforted and cared about. They really were there to help, they checked on me and every other patient every fifteen minutes no matter where I was in the unit. I was on suicide precautions the first three days I was there, the last two days they just wanted to make sure my medications were working and no side effects.
They gave me the correct dose of Effexor XR on the first morning. Four hours later I could already feel a difference. The next morning they gave it to me again and about four hours later I was back to my normal self and mind again. Unbelievable!
I just wanted to let everyone know that there is help out there and you should seek help if you need it. The Psychiatric Hospitals and Crisis Units are trained and know exactly what to do to help you. If they don't know what is going on with you, they will not stop until they figure things out. I highly recommend seeking this kind of help. I am back to my normal state of mind and no longer have suicidal thoughts every day. I have been a depressed person all my life, but the suicidal thoughts occur rarely now. I have good days and bad days like any normal or ill person.
Please don't be afraid to seek the help you need, when you need it. I am a changed person and am thankful every day that I am still alive. In my case, I was having discontinuation symptoms from having the wrong dose and wrong medication that was similar to the other I had been taking for two weeks. Once they figured out the problem and then put me on another medication for my anxiety, called Klonopin, I was ready to go home. But they monitored me a few more days to make sure, which I am thankful for. They really cared!
I hope that my personal testimony will help others out there who may be going through the same or similar problems. When you are feeling like you are going out of your mind, it is hard to make the right decisions. I highly recommend seeking help through these types of crisis programs. It was very beneficial to me and when I was discharged, I was even given help on where to go next. I was given another Psychiatric Hospital's number and they made me an appointment to see them within the next week. I am still currently seeing them as an outpatient. I truly do feel like a changed person, almost back to my normal state of mind. I will always have problems with depression and some suicidal thoughts, as this has been part of the chemical imbalance in my brain for years. But getting on the proper medications helps put you into a remission state and get you back to as near as normal as possible.
Please don't be afraid to seek help when you need it. Don't be scared of Psychiatric Hospitals and Crisis Units. These problems won't just go away on their own. You have to seek the proper medical help, even if it is on an emergency basis. The hospitals are there to help when we are ill, both physically and mentally. Call them or call your emergency line if you feel you are about to lose it. It really will save your life, I am living proof.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
My Sambam (Revised Sept 3rd)
Here's my pretty girl Sambam that I am so worried about.
An update on my precious girl. :( She's making a turn for the worse! She's started losing bladder control quite a bit now. She is having a hard time seeing and hearing who and where people are, including me. She barks and growls at others when they are standing around in the apartment and she can't tell who they are.
I fear she will be leaving me soon. I pray to God that she makes a miraculous recovery and stays with me a few more years. I love this little dog so much! She is so much a part of me and a part of my dearly departed Mother that I just don't know what I would do without her around.
I sit here revising this post crying and feeling so empty and alone already just thinking about living live without my sweet little Sambam. Please pray for her everyone! I know she's 17, but she still has a few years left in her, I just know it. She doesn't seem to be in any pain from her arthritis like she did years ago. So she's not really suffering except from this skin condition and allergies, the itching and scratching. If I could only get that under control, I think she'd do better with her bladder problems.
Sambam is in my lap and needing my attention, so I will end this revision now. I just gave her some Children's Liquid Benadryl, hopefully it will help with the itching. Thanks for listening everyone.
______________________________________________________
Her skin allergies have gotten so bad. She's totally bald on her underside and has lost patches of hair on her backside and legs. I gave her a bath today with a Relief shampoo and gave her some Children's Liquid Benadryl. I hope it will help her. I'm very worried about her. She is starting to get small cysts on her tummy and side. She had several removed about 5 years ago and one of her nipples removed, along with a toenail. She's getting very skinny and I fear it might be time I start deciding whether or not to have her put down.
I think she still has a few years left in her, if I could just get this skin infection under control. But I don't have the money to take her to the vet, and you know they won't help for free.
I just wanted to share her with everyone, because she is so special to me. She was my Mother's dog. I had her on and off throughout the years, particularly when I lived in Reno, NV. But I had to have her flown home because my boyfriend at the time started hitting her and being mean to her and wouldn't let me feed her the proper food she needed, which was canned food since she has some missing teeth and her others are so sensitive. She has gone through a lot through the years, she's my baby and when I lose her, it will be like losing a part of Mom again.
I hope you will all enjoy her picture, this was taken about 3 years ago. She is part miniature dachshund and part chihuahua. Mom named her Sam, said she was a spoiled brat like I was when I was a child. I call her Sambam or SamSam. She is 17 years old.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
The Ex!!! Ramble Time!
Guess who got kicked out of his sister's house for drinking too much? Guess who called me this morning asking to "come back home"? He is now at his friend's house who doesn't have running water or a/c, the house is a pigsty, that's really where he needs to be with an infected foot! What a dumbazz!
I told him it was over between us, that when he was with another woman, there was no coming back. That was the hardest thing I've ever done!!!! Telling him no and that he doesn't live here anymore and he's not welcome here. But I did it!
He's not even taking care of his foot anymore, not wearing the suction vac to help get the infectious goop out of it. He's going to end up losing his foot for sure! He's spent 2 months at his sister's doing nothing but getting wasted out of his mind, not taking care of himself, has even ran off the home health nurses while belligerent/inebreated.
I am NOT giving in, I can't! No matter how much I want to, I will not allow this. If he wanted me, he woulda called months ago asking for forgiveness, etc. Not going to his ex's and being with her, drinking every day at his sister's, causing problems there with her daughters, telling lies on me, etc.
I was strong today! He's only a mile down the road now and I hope he realizes that I'm serious and I do not want him here. I hope he doesn't just "show up" either. Yikes!
I talked to his sister on the phone for an hour last night, told her if he does show up here, I want her help in calling the mental health association and having him picked up and admitted. For his alcoholism, now the pain medication addiction, and for his mental health problems (bi polar, paranoid schizophrenic, severe depression, etc). They will also get him the help he needs in irrigating his foot and helping him not lose it.
But for now, he's going to just say "oh well, it's too late, the infection is too bad now, I'm just gonna lose my foot". The cowards way out, of course. What a dumbazz! But NOT my problem anymore! I do not feel sorry for him and cannot allow myself to.
I told him it was over between us, that when he was with another woman, there was no coming back. That was the hardest thing I've ever done!!!! Telling him no and that he doesn't live here anymore and he's not welcome here. But I did it!
He's not even taking care of his foot anymore, not wearing the suction vac to help get the infectious goop out of it. He's going to end up losing his foot for sure! He's spent 2 months at his sister's doing nothing but getting wasted out of his mind, not taking care of himself, has even ran off the home health nurses while belligerent/inebreated.
I am NOT giving in, I can't! No matter how much I want to, I will not allow this. If he wanted me, he woulda called months ago asking for forgiveness, etc. Not going to his ex's and being with her, drinking every day at his sister's, causing problems there with her daughters, telling lies on me, etc.
I was strong today! He's only a mile down the road now and I hope he realizes that I'm serious and I do not want him here. I hope he doesn't just "show up" either. Yikes!
I talked to his sister on the phone for an hour last night, told her if he does show up here, I want her help in calling the mental health association and having him picked up and admitted. For his alcoholism, now the pain medication addiction, and for his mental health problems (bi polar, paranoid schizophrenic, severe depression, etc). They will also get him the help he needs in irrigating his foot and helping him not lose it.
But for now, he's going to just say "oh well, it's too late, the infection is too bad now, I'm just gonna lose my foot". The cowards way out, of course. What a dumbazz! But NOT my problem anymore! I do not feel sorry for him and cannot allow myself to.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Trouble Leaving Comments?
Sorry all, I was playing with my blogger settings and had the comment moderation on. I didn't know that meant I had to go and approve/deny every post that was made before it would appear on my site. Sorry about that! I believe I have it fixed now and all posts should show up immediately now. Let me know if they don't!
Friday, August 17, 2007
Ramblings
Sitting here bored, thought I'd ramble a bit.
My friend Remy and her daughter, Katie have left. I went out with Marlene last night for a few hours, got sick and came back home.
I spent the night with bad acid reflux, pain in stomach, couldn't get to sleep until around 4-5am. So...I missed my Therapist's appointment this morning at 8am. They are very strict on missing first appointments, so I hope I didn't mess that up. They say if you miss your first appointments your account will be closed and no further help given.
I went to the Parkside Psychiatric Hospital in person, where the Psychiatrist and Therapist's offices are and asked to be rescheduled. I was told to call and leave a message on voicemail for my Psychiatrist. They said she can reschedule me, if she feels I deserve it, after missing my first appointment with the Therapist. We shall see! The Therapist will be the one who does my medication management for the Effexor XR and Klonopin and anything else they might decide I need.
I think if I do lose them, I will still be okay though. I can just request Dr. Millar, my regular doctor, to prescribe the medications to me. But I think I need the one-on-one therapy for awhile. All won't be lost I guess though, if I am unable to get treatment with Parkside.
On to another subject...My dog Sambam has severe skin allergies and has lost alot of fur and her skin is very dry. Has been this way over a month now. I bought her some children's liquid Benadryl today and called her vet to see what the proper dosage for her should be. I gave it to her and she has been scratching less. I need to get some more Aveeno (Oatmeal and Oil) to give her a bath in every other day, to keep her skin moisturized. She's very scabby and bald right now, poor thing.
My other dog Rosie is doing fine, need to get her and Sambam some more Frontline Plus for fleas before they get bad again, it is overdue.
Will write more later...
My friend Remy and her daughter, Katie have left. I went out with Marlene last night for a few hours, got sick and came back home.
I spent the night with bad acid reflux, pain in stomach, couldn't get to sleep until around 4-5am. So...I missed my Therapist's appointment this morning at 8am. They are very strict on missing first appointments, so I hope I didn't mess that up. They say if you miss your first appointments your account will be closed and no further help given.
I went to the Parkside Psychiatric Hospital in person, where the Psychiatrist and Therapist's offices are and asked to be rescheduled. I was told to call and leave a message on voicemail for my Psychiatrist. They said she can reschedule me, if she feels I deserve it, after missing my first appointment with the Therapist. We shall see! The Therapist will be the one who does my medication management for the Effexor XR and Klonopin and anything else they might decide I need.
I think if I do lose them, I will still be okay though. I can just request Dr. Millar, my regular doctor, to prescribe the medications to me. But I think I need the one-on-one therapy for awhile. All won't be lost I guess though, if I am unable to get treatment with Parkside.
On to another subject...My dog Sambam has severe skin allergies and has lost alot of fur and her skin is very dry. Has been this way over a month now. I bought her some children's liquid Benadryl today and called her vet to see what the proper dosage for her should be. I gave it to her and she has been scratching less. I need to get some more Aveeno (Oatmeal and Oil) to give her a bath in every other day, to keep her skin moisturized. She's very scabby and bald right now, poor thing.
My other dog Rosie is doing fine, need to get her and Sambam some more Frontline Plus for fleas before they get bad again, it is overdue.
Will write more later...
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Unhappy with the Cafe - Miss the Introductions/Wordly Wonders thread
Hi friends! Just wanted to let you know that I am not into the new Helium boards Cafe area or being forced to be redirected somewhere else. I was happy in the Introductions forum in our Worldly Wonders thread. I even liked welcoming and helping out the new members who posted. I didn't like it when people started coming into our thread talking about running around nekkid or streakin or whatever. But I tried to go with the flow and make a joke about it. Like "someone's bra and t-shirt fell from the ceiling fan when I turned it on and it scared me". It just seemed to get so childish all of a sudden, I dunno.
Then I go over to the Cafe and there's nothing but silly posts about getting nekkid and such. There's really nothing anyone talks about, like how their days went or asking how others were doing, etc. It's not somewhere that I want to be, so until I find another good thread like we had, I won't be going there anymore.
I will continue to write and rate articles at Helium, but I just got very uncomfortable being forced to go somewhere else where they acted so goofy all the time. I liked it when others talked about their day, their life, their articles, their pets and homes, their well-being, etc. There's always time for some fun and jokes, but not in the entire thread and every post someone makes.
::Sighs:: I shoulda known something so good wouldn't last very long.
Take Care friends! I'll be around, somewhere.
Then I go over to the Cafe and there's nothing but silly posts about getting nekkid and such. There's really nothing anyone talks about, like how their days went or asking how others were doing, etc. It's not somewhere that I want to be, so until I find another good thread like we had, I won't be going there anymore.
I will continue to write and rate articles at Helium, but I just got very uncomfortable being forced to go somewhere else where they acted so goofy all the time. I liked it when others talked about their day, their life, their articles, their pets and homes, their well-being, etc. There's always time for some fun and jokes, but not in the entire thread and every post someone makes.
::Sighs:: I shoulda known something so good wouldn't last very long.
Take Care friends! I'll be around, somewhere.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Back from the Psychiatric Hospital
It has been a long month of hell! I've finally gotten the courage and help, to step off of the ride.
I learned a lot, in the past 5 days, while in Laureate Psychiatric Hospital. The most important thing was to never give up, there is always hope and always help. You just have to ask for it and most importantly, you have to want it.
This was my first experience with a psychiatric hospital and being on suicide watch. It wasn't so bad, it's nothing compared to what you see on tv. They don't sedate you, unless you deserve it, by being mean or a danger to yourself and/or others. They check on you every 15 minutes, no matter where you are in the unit.
There were lots of groups to attend, very educational and uplifting. I learned a lot of coping skills and got a lot of booklets and information to read that I brought home with me. I now know that I have a place to go where I feel safe and secure, if I ever get out of control again with myself and my mind.
For those of you who might be too scared, it's not all bad like it sounds. There are great therapists, counselors, psychiatrists, numerous doctors, and staff who WANT to help you. They brainstormed for hours trying to figure out what was going on with me. They finally realized that I was having Discontinuation Symptoms from being given 2 similar medications. I was given Effexor XR to replace my Paxil and it worked great. Then the pharmacy gave me the generic version Venlafaxine, which isn't extended release. So I was being given a weak dose of medication that would go straight through me, making me nauseated/vomiting, weak, headaches, tremors, eye bulging, brain shocks, etc. The generic should have been taken several times a day, rather than just once a day. I was only taking a pill once a day. It would get me WAY up (sickly up) and then take me WAY down. I was experiencing a roller coaster ride of highs and lows that my body and mind couldn't withstand.
My doctor figured out that was the problem, got me on the correct Extended Release meds the next day and almost immediately there was notable changes. The Extended Release gives you smaller doses of medication throughout a 24 hour period, whereas the other just overwhelmed my system and mind. The following day I was back to myself, no side effects or discontinuation symptoms whatsoever. Unbelievable! I was taken off of suicide precautions on the third day. They asked me to stay two more days to make sure my medications agreed with me and I had no further problems mentally/suicidally.
I am so thankful for the doctors and staff at Laureate, as I was losing my mind and ability to get through each day.
I learned a lot, in the past 5 days, while in Laureate Psychiatric Hospital. The most important thing was to never give up, there is always hope and always help. You just have to ask for it and most importantly, you have to want it.
This was my first experience with a psychiatric hospital and being on suicide watch. It wasn't so bad, it's nothing compared to what you see on tv. They don't sedate you, unless you deserve it, by being mean or a danger to yourself and/or others. They check on you every 15 minutes, no matter where you are in the unit.
There were lots of groups to attend, very educational and uplifting. I learned a lot of coping skills and got a lot of booklets and information to read that I brought home with me. I now know that I have a place to go where I feel safe and secure, if I ever get out of control again with myself and my mind.
For those of you who might be too scared, it's not all bad like it sounds. There are great therapists, counselors, psychiatrists, numerous doctors, and staff who WANT to help you. They brainstormed for hours trying to figure out what was going on with me. They finally realized that I was having Discontinuation Symptoms from being given 2 similar medications. I was given Effexor XR to replace my Paxil and it worked great. Then the pharmacy gave me the generic version Venlafaxine, which isn't extended release. So I was being given a weak dose of medication that would go straight through me, making me nauseated/vomiting, weak, headaches, tremors, eye bulging, brain shocks, etc. The generic should have been taken several times a day, rather than just once a day. I was only taking a pill once a day. It would get me WAY up (sickly up) and then take me WAY down. I was experiencing a roller coaster ride of highs and lows that my body and mind couldn't withstand.
My doctor figured out that was the problem, got me on the correct Extended Release meds the next day and almost immediately there was notable changes. The Extended Release gives you smaller doses of medication throughout a 24 hour period, whereas the other just overwhelmed my system and mind. The following day I was back to myself, no side effects or discontinuation symptoms whatsoever. Unbelievable! I was taken off of suicide precautions on the third day. They asked me to stay two more days to make sure my medications agreed with me and I had no further problems mentally/suicidally.
I am so thankful for the doctors and staff at Laureate, as I was losing my mind and ability to get through each day.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Interview Time!
Here are my interview questions, from Jadey. (link to her blog is in my friend's list)
1. Most influential person in your life and why?
My Uncle Ed, my father's brother, he helped raise me and my two brothers during the time my Mom and Dad were getting a divorce. He has put his life to the side to give us exciting lives and still does. No matter what time day or night, if you need him, he is there without questions. He works from the time he gets up in the morning until he falls into bed exhausted at night, always doing something to make money or to keep himself busy. He is so very unselfish and I wish I could be more like him. He is my true idol!
2. What is one thing that you have NOT accomplished but, know it is necessary to do so?
I want to be a mother, but I cannot have children. One day before I'm too old to do so and when my health allows it, I plan on adopting. I was born to be a mother, I have been told so many times that I have so many mothering characteristics/instincts. I think being a mother would complete me and my life.
3. Have you ever met someone that you idolized, and when you met them it totally changed, include details?
There was a gal online , who I'll call Patti, whom I got along with so well. Online it seemed we were long lost sisters, but once we met in person we were both dumbfounded at what to say to each other. I couldn't wait until the week was over and I could go back home. I had adored her life...she had 2 children, a husband, and always seemed so happy. In reality, she was miserable, it was a front she put up for herself. She fought nonstop with her husband, her children always fought and threw temper tantrums, she ignored her children even. She put herself and the things she wanted, before her husband and family and that is not something I idolize. That was a huge disappointment for me.
4. Out of all the books you have read what character best relates to you and why?
I'm not sure about a character, but the author Anne Rice seems to write just to me. There is nothing she has written that I haven't totally related with and was interested in. I love her Vampire Chronicles the most!
5. What one song best describes you and your life?
Sadly, I'd have to say it is Ricky Van Shelton's song "Life Turned Her That Way".
The lyrics are: If she seems cold and bitter then I beg of you Just stop and consider all she's gone through Don't be quick to condemn her for things she might say Just remember life turned her that way She's been walked on and stepped on so many times And I hate to admit it but the last footprint's mine She was crying when I met her she cries harder today So don't blame her life turned her that way [ piano + fiddle ] She's been walked on... So don't blame her life turned her that way
___________________________________________________________________
Interview rules: Leave me a comment saying “Interview me next" or "Hit me with your best shot" or something along those lines letting me know you're down to be questioned. :D I’ll respond by commenting back on your blog with your five questions. I get to pick the questions. You will then update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. So, who wants to give it a go? Leave a comment and let me know if you're down to let me do you next. At least one of you has to let me do an interview with ya. It'll be easy, fun, virtually painless and you'll enjoy it. :D Anyone else up for an interview? See my blog and leave a comment!
1. Most influential person in your life and why?
My Uncle Ed, my father's brother, he helped raise me and my two brothers during the time my Mom and Dad were getting a divorce. He has put his life to the side to give us exciting lives and still does. No matter what time day or night, if you need him, he is there without questions. He works from the time he gets up in the morning until he falls into bed exhausted at night, always doing something to make money or to keep himself busy. He is so very unselfish and I wish I could be more like him. He is my true idol!
2. What is one thing that you have NOT accomplished but, know it is necessary to do so?
I want to be a mother, but I cannot have children. One day before I'm too old to do so and when my health allows it, I plan on adopting. I was born to be a mother, I have been told so many times that I have so many mothering characteristics/instincts. I think being a mother would complete me and my life.
3. Have you ever met someone that you idolized, and when you met them it totally changed, include details?
There was a gal online , who I'll call Patti, whom I got along with so well. Online it seemed we were long lost sisters, but once we met in person we were both dumbfounded at what to say to each other. I couldn't wait until the week was over and I could go back home. I had adored her life...she had 2 children, a husband, and always seemed so happy. In reality, she was miserable, it was a front she put up for herself. She fought nonstop with her husband, her children always fought and threw temper tantrums, she ignored her children even. She put herself and the things she wanted, before her husband and family and that is not something I idolize. That was a huge disappointment for me.
4. Out of all the books you have read what character best relates to you and why?
I'm not sure about a character, but the author Anne Rice seems to write just to me. There is nothing she has written that I haven't totally related with and was interested in. I love her Vampire Chronicles the most!
5. What one song best describes you and your life?
Sadly, I'd have to say it is Ricky Van Shelton's song "Life Turned Her That Way".
The lyrics are: If she seems cold and bitter then I beg of you Just stop and consider all she's gone through Don't be quick to condemn her for things she might say Just remember life turned her that way She's been walked on and stepped on so many times And I hate to admit it but the last footprint's mine She was crying when I met her she cries harder today So don't blame her life turned her that way [ piano + fiddle ] She's been walked on... So don't blame her life turned her that way
___________________________________________________________________
Interview rules: Leave me a comment saying “Interview me next" or "Hit me with your best shot" or something along those lines letting me know you're down to be questioned. :D I’ll respond by commenting back on your blog with your five questions. I get to pick the questions. You will then update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. So, who wants to give it a go? Leave a comment and let me know if you're down to let me do you next. At least one of you has to let me do an interview with ya. It'll be easy, fun, virtually painless and you'll enjoy it. :D Anyone else up for an interview? See my blog and leave a comment!
Friday, July 27, 2007
Suicidal tendencies and panic: Overcoming the obstacles
Suicide takes more than a million lives each year. In the year 2004, one person killed themselves every 16 minutes and suicide was the 11th ranking cause of death in the United States. With one suicidal attempt every nine seconds, there are many more attempts at ending one's life than there are successful completions.
Amazingly, there are some that will fake a suicide attempt to gain attention, this is termed a suicidal gesture. No suicide attempt should be ignored though, it must be viewed as a desperate cry for help. Either way, it is a wake up call for their friends, family, and significant others. These people feel so hopeless and depressed that they want to end their lives. Most of the time, they are not strong enough and do not have the willpower to do so. For some, the only reason they don't kill themselves, is because they do not want to hurt those they leave behind that love them. You have to remember though, with every attempt, they become that much closer in succeeding the next time. They need help and they need it now.
Many researchers believe that depression, suicide, suicidal thinking, and attempts are caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. That brain chemistry must be restored in order for one to get better. Remember, a healthy brain chemistry creates a healthy reality. One cannot expect the bad thoughts and feelings to just go away on their own. Being off-kilter mentally causes so many devastating thoughts and feelings of hopelessness and keeps one from being able to withstand everyday hardships. Severely depressed people are unable to realize that there is life, even a happy future to look forward to, once they find the proper treatment.
There are several approaches to treating a person with suicidal tendencies and depression. Antidepressants, along with psychotherapy is the most prescribed treatment. Others use supplements, minerals, and amino acids to get the proper nutrients needed to maintain balance. For added help, talk to your friends and family, seek out support groups and find well-trained physicians that aide in treating manic depression. There are also numerous websites online that are dedicated to the understanding and prevention of suicide.
If you are suicidal or you know someone who is, you need to act now to educate yourself and get the proper treatment, tomorrow may be too late.
Amazingly, there are some that will fake a suicide attempt to gain attention, this is termed a suicidal gesture. No suicide attempt should be ignored though, it must be viewed as a desperate cry for help. Either way, it is a wake up call for their friends, family, and significant others. These people feel so hopeless and depressed that they want to end their lives. Most of the time, they are not strong enough and do not have the willpower to do so. For some, the only reason they don't kill themselves, is because they do not want to hurt those they leave behind that love them. You have to remember though, with every attempt, they become that much closer in succeeding the next time. They need help and they need it now.
Many researchers believe that depression, suicide, suicidal thinking, and attempts are caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. That brain chemistry must be restored in order for one to get better. Remember, a healthy brain chemistry creates a healthy reality. One cannot expect the bad thoughts and feelings to just go away on their own. Being off-kilter mentally causes so many devastating thoughts and feelings of hopelessness and keeps one from being able to withstand everyday hardships. Severely depressed people are unable to realize that there is life, even a happy future to look forward to, once they find the proper treatment.
There are several approaches to treating a person with suicidal tendencies and depression. Antidepressants, along with psychotherapy is the most prescribed treatment. Others use supplements, minerals, and amino acids to get the proper nutrients needed to maintain balance. For added help, talk to your friends and family, seek out support groups and find well-trained physicians that aide in treating manic depression. There are also numerous websites online that are dedicated to the understanding and prevention of suicide.
If you are suicidal or you know someone who is, you need to act now to educate yourself and get the proper treatment, tomorrow may be too late.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Choosing when to leave an abusive relationship
When you love someone so much it hurts, it is a dangerous thing. It is wrong because you allow so many terrible things to happen to you that you wouldn't normally put up with. Why do you allow yourself to fall so utterly and completely in love with someone who hurts you and your well being? Being physically and verbally abused is something so many women have endured. Why do women allow themselves to be hurt by men like this?
A man who is an alcoholic will throw out so much abuse to his partner and feel guilty about it the next day. But it is never enough to keep him from taking that next drink. Why do women live their lives around men who are so selfish and who like to drink themselves into oblivion, even drinking their lives away and any chance of a future together?
Women need to find a way out of this cycle of abuse and stop living for a man. Yes, you don't want to be alone and you want a good man who will take care of you. But you so oftentimes end up settling for the wrong man and then taking care of him and putting up with him and his many faults and addictions.
Is it that you fall totally and completely in love with the idea of trying to nurture him back to health, changing him along the way? Or do you really believe that your love is stronger than his addictions?
The never-ending cycles of love/hate relationships have ruined so many people's lives. You will grow cold and bitter by the time you find someone who will treat you right. Many good women have been ruined by men like this. The abusive men have instilled in you a hatred so deep that you do not trust anymore.
As that trust fades, you begin to do things that embarrass you, like out-of-control rage, but you cannot help yourself. Your mind starts to play tricks on you and you begin to fight and argue and do anything to save your relationship. You'll even try to change your partner by telling them that they're going to lose you if they don't change their ways, but it is never enough. You are fighting a losing battle most of the time.
Finally, you have had enough and decide it is time to move on. Your heart has become so involved that it is telling you no, when you know it is the right thing to do. You will go through months of heartache, tears, and longing for someone that was never right for you in the first place. The pain of letting go is unbearable, but you keep trying to be strong and leave. Once you've left, your mind and heart play tricks on you, telling you that there could still be hope.
But there is no hope, you have to move on and find yourself again. You have to learn to love yourself again and learn from your mistakes. Most importantly, you have to keep yourself from getting into another hopeless relationship. So many women have dated and even married the same type of men they had just left, who have alcohol or drug addictions and are abusive. You have to get out of this cycle and look for men who will treat you right. Look for men who don't drink or do drugs. Find a good, hard working man who wants what you want and has the same interests as you. No matter what, don't give up and don't give in and go back. Save your love for a man who deserves it.
A man who is an alcoholic will throw out so much abuse to his partner and feel guilty about it the next day. But it is never enough to keep him from taking that next drink. Why do women live their lives around men who are so selfish and who like to drink themselves into oblivion, even drinking their lives away and any chance of a future together?
Women need to find a way out of this cycle of abuse and stop living for a man. Yes, you don't want to be alone and you want a good man who will take care of you. But you so oftentimes end up settling for the wrong man and then taking care of him and putting up with him and his many faults and addictions.
Is it that you fall totally and completely in love with the idea of trying to nurture him back to health, changing him along the way? Or do you really believe that your love is stronger than his addictions?
The never-ending cycles of love/hate relationships have ruined so many people's lives. You will grow cold and bitter by the time you find someone who will treat you right. Many good women have been ruined by men like this. The abusive men have instilled in you a hatred so deep that you do not trust anymore.
As that trust fades, you begin to do things that embarrass you, like out-of-control rage, but you cannot help yourself. Your mind starts to play tricks on you and you begin to fight and argue and do anything to save your relationship. You'll even try to change your partner by telling them that they're going to lose you if they don't change their ways, but it is never enough. You are fighting a losing battle most of the time.
Finally, you have had enough and decide it is time to move on. Your heart has become so involved that it is telling you no, when you know it is the right thing to do. You will go through months of heartache, tears, and longing for someone that was never right for you in the first place. The pain of letting go is unbearable, but you keep trying to be strong and leave. Once you've left, your mind and heart play tricks on you, telling you that there could still be hope.
But there is no hope, you have to move on and find yourself again. You have to learn to love yourself again and learn from your mistakes. Most importantly, you have to keep yourself from getting into another hopeless relationship. So many women have dated and even married the same type of men they had just left, who have alcohol or drug addictions and are abusive. You have to get out of this cycle and look for men who will treat you right. Look for men who don't drink or do drugs. Find a good, hard working man who wants what you want and has the same interests as you. No matter what, don't give up and don't give in and go back. Save your love for a man who deserves it.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Welcome to my blog
This is something new for me. I look forward to learning how to do this. Welcome to my blog everyone. :)
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